It’s been a pretty boring weekend so far. This past week I was unable to accomplish anything that I had to do, which explains my absence from posting over the last few days. Originally I started cleaning the house on Sunday to make sure everything was presentable by Tuesday evening considering I was expecting company on Wednesday. She never showed so that was somewhat of a waste, minus the fact that the house did still need some kind of a cleaning up anyway. I’m not sure what’s up with me lately but I’m in some kind of a funk where I have absolutely no energy to do anything. Getting out of bed seems like too much effort for me but even when I do finally get up with the state of mind screaming “something HAS to be accomplished today” nothing really happens from there.
Originally I thought I was just in a funk because my period was coming but I’m kind of working off others schedules at the moment, if that makes any sense. See, Karen works with a woman named Angie who is pretty easy to read when she’s got her period, she’s been working with her for so long that it seems like Karen gets her period whenever Angie does, since I’ve been living with Karen as long as I have, my schedule kind of shifted towards the end of the month. Last night she asked me if I was on the verge of getting mine since she was also cramping up, but I’m not. I know for sure I’m not pregnant, it’s just my schedule messing up again. I want to assume it’s stress related but that doesn’t really help me out. I keep seeing commercials for this birth control pill named YAS, it’s like the ‘powers that be’ are trying to send me a message through the television or something, but after doing some research into it I’m taken to information about a syndrome known as PMDD.
Apparently there’s multiple forms of PMS, PMDD being one of them. The symptoms include Irritability, Moodiness, Feeling Anxious, Bloating and Increased Appetite. Now, I’m not one of those “OOH, I have that!” kind of people. I know what my symptoms are and they COULD be corrected to PMS, but based on what I know of PMS, it doesn’t effect your life the way PMDD does, which it seems to be doing. My ‘swings’ have been severe enough to effect my work, daily life and relationship – Sean and I are kind of at each others throat the last few days and while he can be a hard person to get a long with at times, I know for the most part that it’s me triggering things between us.
The site recommends that I keep some kind of a body diary, this way I can track the symptoms and then decide from there if this is the route I should take. The issue is I don’t even know if I could afford this damn pill. Part of me just wants to get the tubes ripped out so I can deal with menopause NOW and just live the rest of my life period free but Sean wants children (even though I’m not too keen on them at this moment in time) but who knows what’s going to happen 10 years down the road. I’ve just got a whole series of emotions bothering me right now, nothing seems to relax me anymore – not even smoking, that’s just turning into a complete nuisance for me as well.
I don’t know…I doubt anything is actually even wrong with me – I may just be bored of life or something.