I haven’t even really started my Monday but I know for a fact that it’s just not going to be a good day in general.  Last week while I was organizing things I found Joe’s mass card.  To my surprise I was completely thrown off by what I was reading.  For a long time I was convinced that his birthday was the end of May.  Leave it to me to screw up the dates….

I found out that his birthday actually fell on April 27th.  The reason I’m in a funk right now is because Lucy also has the same birthday.

Joe – April 27, 1981 -> March 7, 2006
Lu – April 27, 1985 -> February 17th, 2009

There’s too many 7′s involved, and things are just too damn close together for me to be even remotely comfortable about it, it’s one of those freaky things that just kind of hit you very hard when you make the discovery that you certainly were NOT expecting.  I was just happy that I was finally able to find Joe’s mass card so I could put it on my mirror, the way I’d had it before it was boxed away and shipped down to DE with me.  I was just taken back when I actually put two and two together.

So, I already know for a fact that it’s going to be just a really bad day for me.  I’ve put those whom I actually give a crap about on warning to just not bother me today…with anything.  To those whom don’t already know…they can deal with  my being a bitch and I couldn’t give a shit about their feelings.

So there was a bit of a bump in the road last night that I certainly wasn’t expecting.  The ideas that I had for organization and shelving were a bust because of the size of the space located directly next to my desk.  The shelves we have on that side now are hanging over on the top of the hutch on the desk so it’s really not a wise choice to add more shelving below because that would require cutting compressed wood and that’s just never pretty.  So, instead we’re figuring out what to do with all of the other sections.

Our first step – the closet!  Sean is going through all of his clothes and seeing what he can throw out and what can be compressed down into a vacuum bag.  He really doesn’t wear all of the clothes he has and if he does it’s typically something he’ll wear seasonally (ie – the jackets) so he’s working on his side and I’ll go in and begin working on my side as well.

Instead of getting rid of the dresser I’m just going to better organize the one we have.  It would be great if I could find a taller one with just one more drawer in it but since that’s not going to happen there’s really nothing I can do about it (IKEA & Walmart were also a bust for shelving/cases).  I want to figure out a way to get the bucket-o-pajamas into another section of the room.  I’m thinking of a box under the bed or compressing the seasonal ones (you don’t need heavy fleece pants in the summer).  So that will cover that section.

Our desk is horrible.  It’s poorly organized and I was lucky enough to find some small low-profile bins to put on the shelves so that will instantly clean things up and that’s always a great thing for me.

So yea, it’s really not a matter of cleaning things up it’s just a matter of organizing things better.  The ultimate goal is to get all of our stuff out of the tub but I imagine with a new bed that’s higher off the ground I’ll just be able to fit the bins underneath and that will clean up a lot of the clutter.  So basically find a hidden hole and stick it in (but label it first) HA.

I haven’t really had the ability to sit down and work on anything for myself lately.  This weekend is going to change all of that as some kind of a design bug has bitten me and I have the itch to get a lot accomplished.

My ultimate goal for the weekend is to get everything in the bedroom 100% organized.  I intend to go to Home Depot and pick up the shelves that I need and I also intend to get myself over to Walmart to pick up the storage containers that I need as well.  Why? Because over the course of the next week I’ll be purchasing a larger bed so we can get Sean off of the floor and the organization will just seal the deal so we’ll actually have room to move around.  The closet will be organized, everything storage wise will be taken care of, a lot of junk will be thrown out and I’m even going to organize all the paperwork that is just kind of floating around the room.  It’s been a difficult transition when it comes to moving two rooms into one and while we’re using the bathroom for a lot of over-sized storage, I would ultimately like to even break that down quite a bit.  We can’t really use the shower anyway considering there are still no walls available but I’m sure it’ll al work itself out in the end once I get down to the nitty-gritty and take care of it all.

I’m hoping it only takes me the full day on Saturday.  If I can put in 9 hours at a job during the week a straight 9 hours of work in my room would certainly get the job done.  This gives me a whole window of opportunity when it comes to sitting down with my laptop on Sunday (in a nicely organized room) and finally doing something with my personal sites.  I need to put acidgloss.net back up because I’m losing advertising money.  I need to get a new template up on this site because I absolutely hate using free ones and for some reason my previous pink/white template just doesn’t want to work anymore.  So instead of using the one I designed over a year ago, I fully intend to start fresh and see what I can come up with that’s simple and colorful.

I’ll just cross my fingers that everything goes the way I’ve planned it this weekend.

I have to say that with the series of events that took place this past weekend, I’m finding it pretty hard to get myself moving today. It’s Monday morning, I know I need to get myself ready for work and I’m just in a “blah” kind of a mood.

On Friday I came home from work with the overwhelming feeling of annoyance towards just about everyone and everything. I attempted to sit down and just relax in bed but when the small bedroom that Sean and I are sharing looks as though a bomb exploded it just escalated into my blowing off steam directly to him. It then, and I don’t know how or why, turned into me having a complete and total emotional breakdown. I did finally have the break down I’ve been anticipating for quite some time now. For the first time in almost two months since Lucy passed away everything hit me and I couldn’t hold back any longer. It was one of those cries that if you looked at me you would have probably felt bad but for me it was just a release of emotions that needed to be released.

I truly do miss Lucy, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone and it’s been really hard for me to create a new routine that doesn’t include her because she literally was a huge part of my DAILY life. It’s not like we had that kind of friendship where we only saw each other once in a while, she was at my house all the time, we always talked and she truly was a member of the family. She’s the only one left from years ago that still called me “mom”. It’s like I lost a child, which is probably why I’m taking it so hard. So yea, I broke down, and whether she was there listening or not I made it a point to get out everything that I needed to say. The gist of it was “I miss this, it sucks that this can’t happen, this was the plan for this” the list is never ending. I just know that when I go outside to have a cigarette, I’ve purposely left my phone inside because up until her death I was typically texting her and saying “get your ass over here”. Now I know that I have to do it on my own.

I talk to her all the time, again not knowing if she’s listening or not – it’s more of a comfort thing for me right now… I want to believe that she pops in and out to check up on me or help me through something. It’s just hard to help someone through YOUR death – you know? So yea, that was Friday night.

I woke up on Saturday and found that my tax return was pending deposit on my bank account. This came very soon after Sean went to pick up his new glasses (nerdy tape city man!) and his taxes from paid blogging also went out on Friday, so it was nice to see that the money that went out on Friday was now tripled and put back. I made a killing on my taxes this year, and I’m very happy about that. I was eligible for the stimulus check for last year. Why? I honestly don’t know, but I’m not complaining. I still haven’t received the state but I assume that’s coming in on the 17th as was originally noted. They never told me when the federal was going to show up but Federal tends to work a little quicker when it comes to things like that.

Yesterday, Sean and I got ourselves all dolled up and went over to Alicia’s for Easter. Her mother went overboard on all of the food (again) but that’s what Italian’s do! Everything tasted great, but my stomach absolutely hated me for whatever it was that I ate. I had the ziti and the meat, some ham, and I wanted to go back to the adult table to load up on more food but I was just too full After we ate, Alicia and I headed outside for a quick cig and that’s when my stomach started bothering me. It progressively got worse but didn’t stop me from the cherry cheesecake and a cookie. As far as stomach aches go….I’m thinking it was the Pizzagaine (Italian meat/cheese pie) that set me over the edge. I only really have that once a year, but even still I shouldn’t have felt nauseous for hours after the fact! I wound up having to leave and lay down at home, making Sean drive me even though he’d had a few drinks. I’d rather he drive on two beers that didn’t effect him at all than my being dizzy and unable to see straight.

So I came home, washed all of the make-up off and changed into my pjs. I quickly threw everything off the bed, put a bucket down next to me and then just crashed for the night. Now all of the nausea is gone but the stomach pain is still there, a feeling I absolutely hate, it feels like really high cramps that are hitting me right at the base of my ribs. I just hope the pain doesn’t get worse during the day or I’m going to have to wind up coming home to lay down. :crosses fingers:

On a “tech” note.   I do have a template that I just haven’t been able to sit down and complete the coding on.  It’s time for a change, I never wanted to use a premade template but I was honestly sick of the previous one.  Hopefully I’ll get around to completing it soon.  It’s already coded, per say, there’s just the wordpress tweaks that need to go into it, that’s all.

In any event, it’s a little bit after 8am and it’s time for me to get dressed and get through the rest of my morning routine.  Later gators!