I’m gonna shoot somebody…

I’m not a big fan of the stigma around “Christmas”. I don’t like the fact that, since July 5th, I’ve seen nothing but Christmas decorations going up in local stores and really hate the fact that finding Halloween Candy at Walgreens took a lot longer than necessary considering it was a week BEFORE Halloween.  Now that Halloween is over, and Thanksgiving is fast approaching – there’s absolutely NOTHING on TV except for crappy cop and dance shows, with a whole sea of “Black Friday” commercials from every single store that exists in America with an advertising budget.  Please explain why it’s so fucking important to push Christmas on people? Why can’t people just be happy with what they have and not even bother anticipating wiping out their savings accounts just to go shopping?

I did my shopping online, and only bought for immediate family. Why? Because I’m not made of money and I know they were a few key items that would make them happy. I didn’t go overboard like I have in years past. Why? Cause I’m still paying off those fricken credit cards from Christmas two years ago just because I wanted to include everyone and their mother.  I then realized, it was a complete and total waste of my time. The best gift to give anyone is money in a card so they can go out after the rush and get something for themselves.  Why? Cause 99% of the time – they either won’t use or won’t wear anything you bought them anyway!

So why am I so annoyed?

Welp, I went out tonight with the goal of picking up a few things from the dollar store so that I can make sure that I have everything I need to have Thanksgiving (yea, remember THAT Holiday??!) go off without a hitch. It’s only going to be the four of us for dinner (Sean, Karen, George and Myself) but I still intend to do it right and make sure that dinner is lovely and everyone can have a nice nap afterwords.  So anyway… I pulled into the Dollar Tree parking lot and it was pretty much a bumper-to-bumper situation to the point that I felt like I was stuck in traffic on the expressway – this is a fricken parking lot so what the hell is going on?

After the LINES of cars found their spots, I was able to find one by the store in the “30 minutes or less” parking spaces that are setup for shoppers.  I noticed that Dollar Tree, while a little busy, was no where near as crowded as they usually are on a Friday night.  After picking up the aluminum products needed to get through Thursday’s dinner and a new ruled legal pad as well as a few decorations for my new Christmas tree (which Sean will be putting up on Thursday), I proceeded to checkout.  I dealt with the usual old hag paying for $50 worth of products with pennies (mind you, that’s 50 items considering Delaware is a no sales-tax state), I then dealt with the confused pot head wondering how much his two items were going to cost him as he clenched a five dollar bill. After they cleared the way it was finally my turn. While my 22 items (Yea, I keep count) were being rung up I asked the cashier if this is a typical Friday night in this parking lot or if something special was going on.  Forgetting that there was a movie theater next store I was informed that another fricken Twilight movie came out at Midnight last night and this particular theater was basically doing 24 hours of glistening vampires that can hang out in the sun all day.  I stopped myself from vomiting on the spot, paid my bill and preceded to walk back to my truck.

This wasn’t the typical walk, this was the ‘dodge-every-ten-year-old-you-can-see’ and ‘run-over-the-ones-you-can’t-see’ type of walk.  The lines of people trying to get into this movie blew my damn mind.  Not only where there little teeny-boppers going nuts while WAITING in line and already reciting scenes to eachother, there’s also a crowd of older teenagers who are covered in white makeup (or they’ve never seen the sun themselves) and they’re taking all of these gothic/depressed looking pics of themselves cause they need to “OMG THIS IS GOING ON FACEBOOK” themselves.

Some douchebag on a skateboard damn near ran into my truck while he was trying some fricken awesome dunce cap move and to be my usual jerkoff self I decided to set the alarm as a warning that not only was I watching everything fucking going on around my truck, but proving that the blaring alarm is going to be the least of his problems when they’ll need to scrape his ass up off the pavement cause I had every intent of running him the fuck over.

I finally, after a good ten minutes of losing my patience, get INTO my truck. The line of cars still hasn’t really gone away but knowing that they sure as hell aren’t turning into a parking spot anytime soon, I sat there for a good 20 minutes waiting to GET OUT of my parking space because people are fucking rude and think that your trying to back out of a parking spot means you’re going to steal one that’s closer to the movie theater. Fuck you, I don’t think so.  This is a time when I wish I owned a monster truck so I could just reverse over the fucking line of hybrid cars and drive over everyone.  So the asshole behind my car decided it would be a good time to put himself in park and run into dollar tree (for whatever fucking reason) because he figures the row of cars to get into the theater isn’t going to move anyway.  He didn’t make it past my car door before I started screaming bloody murder in his direction.  I told him, as nicely as I could “Unless you’re interested in playing demolition derby – move your fucking car NOW!”  And apparently when a dumb southern boy hears a New Yorker screaming at them, they listen.  His wife almost got popped in the face for running her mouth but I was a good girl and didn’t even say anything to her (though I should have).

He backed up and finally let me out, then of course he got himself into the now vacant 30 minute spot that I inhabited and they (he and the wifey) both were trying to walk down to the theater and were stopped by a security guard who saw the entire fucking situation go down. He was told to move and try again. So I nicely sat there to keep him blocked in. It took me another 15 minutes before I could even GET OUT of the lot because it’s just a fricken one-way lane and I was all the way at the WRONG END of it.   So when I finally was able to touch my gas pedal instead of just coasting on fumes I quickly zipped out of the parking lot and went on my merry way.

I made it to my second destination, Food Lion, why? Cause even though I spent $200 on groceries three days ago – there was a lot of shit (Thanksgiving based) that was forgotten. Thankfully the store was empty, probably because everyone and their mother was on the other end of town for the stupid Twilight movie. I managed to get in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes, still spent $80 but what’s done is done.

I get back to the house, check in Karen (who’s not handling Chemo too well), bring in the groceries and then need to head outside for a cigarette cause my brain is pretty much fried at this point.  So I’m sitting outside with Sean and Bella, and now the dog insists its time to go out for her nightly walk (an hour early).  So I headed inside to get her coat, and her leash and we take off.  I want to assume that the movie got out because all of a sudden the entire complex was like grand central fucking station.  First there’s an endless line of cars coming in (two of which almost killed my dog by the way) then there’s a random dog chained up outside of their house (freezing his ass off) and barking away as the owner is telling him to shut up. (Could still call Animal Control on the douchebag, your dogs obviously shivering bring him the fuck inside!).  We continue to mosey on, the road clears up, my back is killing me, Bella’s done her business a few times and now it’s just time to come home.  Then out of no where there’s another fucking line of cars coming through the complex, one of them had to have been 40 or so miles an hour with the way he was bottoming out on all of the speed bumps.  It’s never good if one can see sparks coming from the back of your car, and even though Bella is as day-glow as she could possibly get with her bright pink neon jacket and her white fur – she still was almost run over by this fucker cause he was going too damn fast to realize there was even someone walking UNDER THE STREETLIGHT.  Cocksucker.

We get back to the house, I realize that I started making bread last night and never jumped back on it today.  I picked up a recipe for the Bertucci’s restaurant Bread Rolls (my favorite rolls in the world).  The starter was to be made last night, and 12 or so hours later is when the bread itself is to be made. So of course I let it sit for about 14 hours, and now I’m waiting on the first rising process to be completed.  It’s going to be another 10 or so hours before I can actually bake the damn bread, but that’s OK I guess – by the time I’m actually hungry for it – it’ll be dinner time on Saturday anyway.

So now I’m sitting here trying to not work on a template for as long as possible, I really would rather not even code this thing but money is money.  I just want to do some laundry and get some sleep but we all know how well plans go through when you’ve really got your mind set on something NOT work related.


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