50 Shades of Fucked Up (My Review)

OK, so I finally jumped on the bandwagon and read “50 Shades of Grey” by E.L. James. My only reason for doing it was not for some ‘sexual interest’ it was based solely on the fact that I wanted to know what the hell everyone has been talking about for the past six months.  I took the time to sit down and read all three of the books, each was just as disturbing as the last.   Let me just tell you that in any ‘real world’ situation this guy (Christian Grey) would have been castrated faster than he knew what hit him.  The demanding and overbearing personality wouldn’t fly right with me, and the sheer stupidity of Anna Steele blows my mind. How can someone be so well read, yet so dumb at the same time?

The book is fan-fiction for “Twilight” another fucked up phenomenon where someone in Hollywood decided to take it upon themselves to rip a book out of someones hand and make them watch the movie version instead. (They’re doing this with 50 Shades, by the way).  The characters are pretty much the same between both series of books, the only differences is more or less that the names were changed.  The best review that I’ve read on this series, and the movie, was handled by The Atlantic, you can read the article here: The ’50 Shades of Grey’ Film Will Be Better Than the Book (but Still Bad) – Noah Berlatsky – The Atlantic.

Very well said Noah, very well said.

Now, when you strip everything down it converts into a super kinky romance novel – or at least we’re to believe that’s the intent of the author.  In my humble opinion, anyone who finds nipple clamps and flogging to be even remotely “romantic” needs to suck on the exhaust pipe of a big-rig and not their husband.  Numerous “50 Shade Babies” are popping up all over the world. This is porn for soccer moms, period – point blank.

The rating of the movie is going to be NC-17, obviously the Adult industry has already begun cranking out movie after movie and while everyone is wondering if Mila Kunis is actually going to be standing around with nipple clamps on the set of “50 Shades” you can bet your ass that the actual book itself can only really be seen in the Adult movie store because that is the only industry that’s capable of getting away with horrible acting and writing and the excessive amounts of “kinky fuckery” (as coined by Anna Steele).

For those of you whom are only on the first book.  Let me help you out:

Her boss at the publishing agency hits on her, Christian fires him because he bought the company to protect her anyway. The same character (Hyde) attempts to kill Christian (and his assistant) by messing with the engine of his plane. An old sub shows up and holds Anna at gunpoint, and when Hyde (and Anna’s boss) appear in the 3rd book it’s to kidnap his Sister for the sum of 5 million dollars based solely on the fact that Hyde and Christian were actually together in the same orphanage and the Grey’s chose Christian before they looked at Jack.  Anna and Christian get married, and have a baby – the series finalizes with her being pregnant with baby #2.

So yea – when you strip it down like this – the remaining 700 pages in the series are Anna’s internal dialoge about how much she loves his bare feet, whips and cuffs and has no problem walking around government and business officials while hiding balls in her twat sheerly for his arousal.



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  • COMMENT (1)

    1. Jenni 06th February 2013 at 7:29 am -

      Yeah, this has never appealed to me and I definitely don’t think I’ll be reading it after your review!