The past couple of months have really been hard on me. I’ve found myself having a lot of trouble completing things that I start. I also have this overwhelming feeling of lonliness even though I’m surrounded by friends and family who care about me and are part of my daily life.
I think my problem is that I still haven’t accepted the fact that Lu is gone. It’s one of those things that’s haunting me and I just wish I could figure out why. There are so many unanswered questions and that’s really what’s taking my toll on me. I want to know what happened that night, and I know exactly who to ask because I’m confident that they had everything to do with it but I’ve kept to myself because I just don’t want to interrupt everyone else’s ability to move on.
Work is also taking it’s toll on me. I’m tired, fidgety and smoking about a pack and half a day just to cope with everything going on, on top of the stress. I want to have the time to sit down and do something for ME but I keep agreeing to everything else for everyone else and even blogging right now just seems out of place for me considering I’m doing it from work (which I would probably get in trouble for) but there’s absolutely nothing to do right now. I don’t think we’ve ever been this DEAD at 6:30 before. It was a relatively slow day, which I guess was a good thing but at the same time it’s kind of annoying when you know you’re being paid hourly to basically sit on your ass with nothing to do.
That’s probably why I’m having such a hard time lately. While I really have no time to myself, the line of work I’m in gives me a lot of time to be quiet and THINK during the day. To spend 9 hours a day THINKING it really begins to take it’s toll on you.
I’m rambling, I don’t even have a complete thought for an entry right now…there literally was just nothing else to do. I just know that I’ve sat here all day wondering how I can change things on this site. I’m sick of the premade template, and I do have some ideas floating around in my head for a new theme but I honestly don’t know when that’s going to actually turn into a physical project. Maybe I’ll have some time this weekend. I was thinking of doing something tonight considering Sean is watching the season finale of LOST but I was thinking of just making some Mac & Cheese and curling up outside until it was time to go to bed. The only thing I really look forward to is FRESH AIR. I work in a place that’s overloaded with windows, but none of them can open so there’s all kinds of ’stuffy’ going on!
In any event, there’s 20 minutes before I get to leave…maybe I’ll find something to do.
May I who is Lu in your life? is he/she a family relative? a friend? or an Ex? Some things in life are supposed to be let go and set free and must importantly release the emotional strain t that is building for you to move on. Please let go of the past and get over what you are passing thru right now.
Vernice
Lu was my best friend, so much so that she was a member of my family and was referred to as my “sister”, by not only other family members, but myself as well. She was a special person and the last few years have been difficult without her. No matter what we’re doing, or what’s going on I always wish that she would be here with us. I know that in spirit she always will be here, it’s just harder around the holidays. Also, if you took two seconds to read into the article, you’d see that it was posted 2 years ago. Yes, I’ve moved on with my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still wish that she could be around for it.
ps: I’ve removed all of your links, I don’t appreciate someone trying to sell drugs on my website.