Archive for the ‘Bella’ Category

An aging pup…

Friday, May 13th, 2016

The past week has been a complete and total shit-show. On top of a few family members having heart issues, Bella is now having them as well. On Tuesday I accidentally kicked her and she cried in a way that I’d never heard before. Immediately after she peed in the carpet in the living room and had a bowel movement while she was laying down hiding in the corner. She was brought to vet because on all accounts nothing was normal about the situation. I felt horrible for kicking her, then to see the aftermath I knew her going to a doctors office was important.

During the exam the Vet noted that she heard some crackling in Bella’s lungs and wanted to do a chest X-Ray. Per the xray she claimed that the striations on the lungs confirm the sounds she heard and wanted to start her on medications for Congestive Heart Failure. I was given Lasix (Diuretic), Enalapril (ACE inhibitor), Vetmedin (for CHF) and then Metronidazole (an antibiotic) to address the stomach problems. $500+ later we were out the door and heading home with her. Being as it was fairly late in the evening, and I wanted to be sure I was fully awake for any possible side-effects to occur I waited until 12 hours after leaving the vet (Wednesday) to administer the first round of meds in addition to her daily Insulin routine. Within 1 hour of receiving the pills her water intake increased dramatically. I expected this with the Lasix but it was needed to remove the build up of fluid around her heart. A few extra wee-wee pads down in the house was just going to have to happen. Note: I’m very good about bringing her outside on a regular basis rain, snow or shine. We just put new floors down in a few areas of the house that have yet to be ‘water proofed’ so an increase of pee pads in case of an accident was a must.

Seeing her reaction to all of the pills I made the choice to only give them to her once daily instead of the recommended twice daily. This decision I believe, is ultimately the only reason she is still alive.

As of Thursday morning, 14 hours after receiving all three pills and having two accidents in the house and consuming approximately 64oz of water because of the Lasix, we started having issues with diarrhea. I assumed there would be some kind of issues there based on the introduction of new medications, even with an antibiotic she’s always had a GI reaction to something new going into her body.  But this was something different, this wasn’t just liquid bowel movements every few hours until the Pepto Bismol (2 units) worked its magic. This was borderline amoebic dysentery as she was going both in the house and in the yard every 45 minutes or so. There was absolutely no form to it, pure liquid. I knew I needed to call the vet but I was doing a late mothers-day dinner for Karen so we had dinner. During dinner, not thinking twice about it, I gave her the second round of pills because we were in that 24 hour mark. After the pills we drove Karen back home and then when we walked in the house we entered into a complete shit show. She was vomiting, pooping, gagging. I called the vet. While on the phone explaining all the symptoms she was in the den crapping pure blood. Before the vet even got the chance to say “Bring her in.. this is the emergency fee…” we had the key in the ignition and were on our way to their office.

She threw up a few more times in the car on the way over. I had her on a towel for the blood leaking from her back end and thankfully the towel had enough slack towards her front end for me to catch what was coming out of her mouth. We get to the office, they bring us into an exam room and she continues vomiting. I’m seeing every single one of the pills making an appearance and listing them as each one showed up. It was to the point that the vet tech asked if I was a tech myself (or just in the medical field in general) because I identified every pill by proper name. No, darlin’, this just isn’t my first rodeo and I know which 4 pills went into her, obviously I’ll know which are coming out of her.

They ran blood work, did another x-ray, took urine samples and then brought her back to us. While waiting for results she started back with the diarrhea, I purposely left one (of 7?) instances on the floor for the doctor to see because he wasn’t in the room at the time. It had a lot more blood than he’d thought it would have at this stage of the evening, and now we’re looking at blood clots which is 100% abnormal. He decided it would be an overnight stay for her and ran down the list of treatments to be provided. After 3 hours in the office Sean and I were on our way home, no doggie.

I didn’t sleep last night, I was too busy in tears wondering why this was going on and could I have caused everything with the kick on Tuesday. About 5:30 in the morning I called the office, the vet noted that she’s resting but stable and had her insulin to help her sugars. He noted I would hear from someone either this morning or this afternoon after the next shift of doctors came in and did their rounds for the day.

I don’t know how but I was able to finally catch a few hours of sleep to be woken up by a vet tech around 2:30pm. She noted that Bella is doing much better and actually trying to eat something (which is great) but since it’s dog food and not her usual human-food based diet she’s turned her nose up a few times. She’d basically called me to say “come and get her”, I declined.

I was not rushing over there to pick her up (as badly as I wanted to) because I’m really unhappy with how quickly they wanted to send her home when the issues have yet to be addressed. Why was she crapping blood? Why was she throwing up every five minutes? Why did one doctor put her on Lasix and Enalapril only to have the next one take her off of them because he didn’t hear the same crackling noises in her chest that that the first one did? I wanted a THIRD opinion there. Why is she still hooked onto the IV to help rehydrate her if I can just walk out the door with her? Why are her liver enzymes through the roof? Is it Cushings? It sure looks like it. Why (minus sickness) was her Glucose so high considering she’d only had her insulin a few hours before I brought her in. Does that need to be adjusted? Why did you go out of her way to tell me she has a high fat content in her blood and then not say anything further about it?

I appreciate that they ran every possible test that they could on her and ruled out countless things, but the “cause” of these issues is still up in the air. OK, I get it – she’s a senior dog with Diabetes and CDE/Blindness – but there’s absolutely no reason for any of the problems noted above to be there as they are not connected to her Insulin or Eye Drops. There’s more damn questions than there are answers right now and they just wanted to boot her out the door. The tech went as far as saying “If you’d prefer us to deal with the little bit of diarrhea she still has, that’s fine.” I wanted to scream that she was literally crapping all over me while we were talking to the doctor and I didn’t even budge – but I didn’t. Poop and Vomit don’t bother me, never have and never will. Sean got a little light headed but he can’t even handle a pimple being popped in front of him. No aspect of bodily function bothers me, I can deal with it – so don’t even try to throw that one in my face. I’m not leaving her in your office to wipe her ass, I want to know why these issues are there to begin with damn it.

I 100% believe that, while a few areas of bloodwork were something that’s been ongoing, the introduction of 4 medications this week is exactly why we are where we are, but not a single person will admit to it verbally. I could tell on the vets face last night that he thought the Lasix/Enalapril was the wrong call but he said absolutely nothing because it questions a colleagues decision.

Fast foward to 5:30 this afternoon (Friday). I receive a second call from the same tech and she kind of mumbled to me in a “You were right…” kind of tone about my decision to leave Bella under observation for just a little bit longer. Bella did eat dog food, which is a choice I don’t agree with but it’s the vets office they aren’t going to be sharing their lunches with her. The only way to get her to eat was by hand feeding her and she wasn’t overly thrilled about what she was consuming. She then received her insulin. Around 4-4:30 the diarrhea restarted. She then went on to note that the IVs will continue to keep her hydrated and Enalapril will never be given to her again. Lasix is something we may need to reconsider in the future but Enalapril is the cause of everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours so there is no reason for her to be on it. The Vetmedin is the heart medication she will remain on, and it has the least amount of GI interference. She will not be getting a dose of that until tomorrow afternoon though. They want her system to fully flush the Enalapril as it is now over 48 hours later still upsetting her system. We all could easily confirm via the contents of her vomit and the xray that no pills were left in her stomach last night so her only dose of the Enalapril is there from Wednesday, maybe a micro-dose before vomiting last night but the full dose from Wednesday is what’s working through her right now.

After a half hour conversation with the tech I’m feeling more confident that two nights will do the trick for her. Another 12-24 hours on an IV to fully flush her system out is what is necessary for her to move forward right now. I’m fine with giving her ONE heart pill per day if it helps with her quality of life. She’s already getting her insulin twice daily, and having her eyes treated twice daily as well so that won’t change. By tomorrow we’ll see where we are and hopefully I get to take her home.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions, based on bloodwork I’m pretty much convinced of Cushings based on her liver enzymes but that could also be connected to the Enalapril and would need to be something we revisit in the future. I also want to know if since they’re monitoring her glucose for the next 24 hours if that counts as a glucose curve exam for insulin adjustment at home. We’ll see what they say tomorrow when I’m standing face-to-face with the doctors.

Now: I know there’s at least one asshole out there who says “Just put the dog down”. I can assure you that’s not going to happen for not only my own selfish reasons of not wanting to lose her, but knowing full well that she has plenty of fight left in her and has yet to give me “The Look” that all pet parents know too well. Someone telling me “Just put her down” when I know it’s not time is the equivalent of someone throwing Grandma into the garbage instead of a nursing home because their care is an inconvenience for them. To that kind of person – all I can and will ever say is fuck you and fuck off.

I should be receiving an update either later this evening or tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I have a house to tidy up because I thankfully have nothing to work on today. I need to clear my head and the best way to do that is to blast some music and vacuum up the house. Gives the little patient a nice obstacle free zone for her to walk around in when she gets home anyway.

Fuck you Savannah Animal Hospital!

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Note: Grab a bottle of vodka and count the fucks, cause girlies on a rampage today.

I know I haven’t posted in a while, and frankly I don’t care – I have a life and a job and that’s where my focus is… so, oh fucking well.  Why am I posting now? Because I’m beyond fucking pissed the fuck off.

Bella’s veterinarian has decided that they will not provide me with a written prescription for Bella’s medication. Originally I had one in my hand, but they made it null and void when I requested a refill on her eye drops. It was given to me a few weeks ago, but based on schedules and deadlines I was unable to get it mailed out to 1-800-Pet-Meds to have it filled.  I had to make the choice (which I wasn’t thrilled about) of calling the vet today to request the immediate refill as she ran out last night.  The reason they revoked the prescription? They claim that 800PetMeds is not a ‘compounding pharmacy’ and the eye drops (1% Cyclosporine Ophthalmic Solution – Basically Restasis for dogs) received via 800PetMeds would need to be ‘diluted’ so it’s safer for her to get her drops.  Now, initially I though “OK, that’s a very weird reasoning to refuse affordable medication – lets look into it.” Because that’s exactly what my brain does – I question the fuck out of everything.  So, it was time to get on the phone.  After speaking with a rep from PetMeds they advised that the product I’d be receiving would be identical to the one that is provided via the vets office and the rep on the phone basically said “You’ve been misinformed as you’d be receiving the exact same product they’re overcharging for with no dilution required.  There’s also a good possibility that the prescription your vet is providing is coming from the exact same pharmaceutical company we received ours from.”

I appreciated the new information and now the gears are in overload. I went back to the listing for the medication on pet meds, read through the FAQ and it was confirmed a second time that the drops are in the correct strength LIQUID solution that I need.  So… that really only means one thing to me: It’s time to find a new vet.

I’ve praised this office over the years because of how nice the staff is, and how well of a job they did when I almost lost her a few years ago thanks to the fucking Milo’s Kitchen/DelMonte Foods debacle.  The one thing I was never thrilled about was just how much money I spend every single time I’ve had to go there – no matter what the reason.

Every time I walk into that damn office it costs me an arm and a leg. I’ve been to EMERGENCY vets in New York that didn’t cost me this much every month. I understand that having a special needs dog can take a toll on your bank account, but to be continuously ripped off because the vet would prefer their overprice prescriptions to be handled in house is highway robbery. It’s something I’m no longer going to stand for.

As of right now – I do have a one month supply that I had no choice but to pay for today since they voided the prescription from outside use. So now I’ll be spending the next month trying to figure out where else I can bring her and if some company SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD makes a baby-safe version of moisturizing eye drops that can be picked up over the counter.  Based on what I’ve been reading so-far, as an alternative I can get away with utilizing a simple saline solution in her eyes twice a day in replacement of the ‘medicated’ drops.  I know that no aspect of the prescription is doing anything for her at this point in time.  They aren’t going to magically bring back her vision, and considering the amount of gunk I’m cleaning out of them on a daily basis – the crap is clearly not even working anyway because for ‘moisturizing drops’ – her eyes are bone dry and bloodshot.

No one ever said that having a special needs dog was easy. This is something I’ve known for a while, I’m not naive, I’m not stupid. I’m someone whom loves her dog more than her dog (or this world) would ever know.  As a pet-parent, to a senior blind & diabetic pup, I’m watching her slow down more and more each and every single fucking day. She’s miserable when she gets her eyes cleaned out, she’s miserable with the two injections a day, she’s miserable when taking a walk around the block because she can’t freaking see anything and has to fully depend on me to make sure she’s not running into a ditch or about to bump into a curb. Her anxiety levels are through the freaking roof to the point I can’t even pee without her right under my feet, and forget me even going outside for two minutes to dump the trash – in her eye’s I’m leaving for a month long trip and she instantly starts with the temper tantrum because she’s not right on top of me.  She’s got growths all over her, one large one on her chest that’s in the same area as the massive tumor she’s previously had removed.

Minus the two diagnosis actually being medicated – I constantly bring up EVERYTHING ELSE to the doctors every single time she’s in the office and they just brush it off.  Why? I’m in here for HER health, not to worry about whether or not the other 10 dogs in the overcrowded waiting room get their 2 minutes of your time while your nurses do everything else. All I’m asking for is ten minutes of respect and the ability to have someone not only answer my questions, but tell me what’s wrong with my dog when I ask – or at least offer the tests to give me the answers.  If I’m concerned about a growth – run a damn test. If I tell you that the amount of water consumed every day has not gone down – even with the insulin – then run the test for Cushings that I’ve been demanding for the past 6 months.   If I’m constantly telling you about her shaking-in-the-corner-pissing-herself anxiety attacks – give me a pill OR even the recommendation on an over-the-counter sedative that’s safe to give her.  Why is it so difficult?

It’s not like I’m some junkie asking for drugs for me. My anxiety is easily fixed with a cup of coffee and a pack of cigs. If that doesn’t work, time to remodel the house cause mamma’s punching a god damn hole in the wall.  All I’m trying to do is make her last of the time she has left (no matter how long that is) more tolerable for her.  In no way shape or form do I want her to suffer through ANYTHING going on with her right now.  I’m refusing to put her down because she’s not suffering. When she’s ready to go, she’ll tell me.  If you’re even remotely close to your pets you know damn well when its their time (unless an outside source is involved).  Offices like these, who claim they take pride in their work and really care about their animals blow my god damn mind when they really just function completely on the fact that you would do anything for your pets even if it means taking out another mortgage on your house to cover their greed.

Why is it so wrong that someone whose barely keeping their head above water is interested in not only providing proper medical care for their pet but wanting to do it in a way that’s even remotely affordable? At this point I don’t have a single fucking credit card that isn’t completely maxed out because of medical bills or just daily life in general.  Every aspect of being an adult requires money, I’m not bitching over the fact that they also have ‘adulting’ to do in their own lives and they’re working to survive as well.  But being as they aren’t the ones whom actually MIX these solutions and then have the audacity to do a 300% up-charge because of “Supply & Demand” mentality – why do I have to just sit back and take it?

I work for a living too. I’m not some freeloader whose figured out a way to live off the system. I came from a blue collar family and know what doing 100+ hour weeks can do to ones psyche.  I don’t drive a brand new car and I’m living in a house that needs more work than I think I’ll ever be able to afford in my lifetime. I just need to be cut a little slack, and charging me more than double what something actually costs, on top of the $80 “Oh look, you walked through the door” fee is a freaking slap in the face.

So now, even though I’ve been ranting for the last 20 minutes I still need to not only finish a site that’s due this afternoon but locate and contact every single vets office within a 100 mile radius of me just to find out if there’s any possible way in hell of getting her medications for cheaper.  I’m so tempted to call her old vet in NY but I know damn well that a visit would be required and I have absolutely no money to even consider making that happen. I’m at my whits end. I 100% honestly have no idea what to do anymore.

Remodeling… Redecorating.. Medicating?

Monday, April 13th, 2015

The last few weeks have been pretty hectic.  We’ve started some big projects in the house that have, in turn, verified a few suspicions.

Our kitchen was pretty closed off from the rest of the world.  Even though there’s an addition on the house, nothing was really done to help with the flow (and lighting) for the original house.  So, after determining that the wall that was bugging me the most was load bearing, we took the steps to turn a section of it into a window by removing the drywall, adding a header to transfer the load, and then framing things out.  There’s some painting to do, but the window was finally trimmed out this past week by our friend Colin whom came down for Easter.  We used a wide windowsill for the bottom to give a bar top kind of a look and feel to it, and now even though there’s no flow in terms of walking, it helps to increase a little counter space in the kitchen and offers the ability for more light to come through.  There’s an unfortunate lack of overhead lighting in the living room, so the extra bump of light from the large window in the kitchen makes the difference.  With doing this construction, however, we had to move a few things around in the living room and this is where we found that our problems were a little bigger than the lack of lighting…

As I’ve previously said, Bella’s been having a difficult time for the past few months.  Her eyes have been gunky, she’s been drinking a lot of extra water, and her anxiety is pretty much through the roof.  After finally getting her to the vets office and having some tests run on her, the preliminary results brought back a diagnosis of Stage 1 Diabetes, and her vision loss is in the 75% range.  The vision was something that seems to have been brewing for a little while recently, but moving the furniture in the living room to do the construction on the wall proved that she was a lot further along on the blindness scale than originally anticipated.  The diabetes came as a complete shock to me, her glucose numbers were well into the high 700’s when they’re only supposed to be in the low to mid 100’s.  This unfortunately means 2 insulin injections daily. I would love to say that’s only until her numbers come down and then we can adjust things, but I think it may wind up being for the rest of her life and I can’t even begin to describe the anxiety she’s experiencing because of it.  The back of her neck is so sore from the injections and she’s lashing out like all holy hell if you get anywhere near her.  It’s a work in progress, but we’re trying our hardest to make her as comfortable as possible.

The gunk build up on her eye wasn’t completely due to an infection as we originally thought.  She does have a minor infection in the eye that houses the cataract, unfortunately this eye is the one where she’s lost complete vision.  She’s receiving antibiotic eyedrops twice daily for this. But the gunk build up, overall, is due to chronic dry eye. She’s receiving two more drops daily to keep her eyes lubricated.  The issue though.. I believe they cause either a slight dialysis or just blurred vision because her vision seems to have been getting worse since we implemented the drops into the daily routine.  She’s walking into walls more often than usual and I’ve noticed she has no interest in being outside while the sun is up because she can’t seem to get comfortable when there’s a brighter light shining into her eyes.  I’ve also noticed that they clearly sting a little because as soon as either of the drops go into her eyes she’s wanting to rub them out as quickly as possible.  I’ve made it a point to kind of rub around her eye to make sure the medication gets to the back of her eye were it’s needed in hopes that she doesn’t wind up completely rubbing it into the carpet as soon as she has the chance to rub her face after we’re done.

Everything combined, however, is a major stress factor for her life.  She’s getting the injections every 12 hours, and also the eye drops every 12 hours.  The injections is more of a stress factor than the drops, the drops just seem to be happening more often because she needs multiple drops within an hour of each other so ensure that one doesn’t cancel out the other. I’m also still using the saline eye wash to help keep the gunk from around her eye from getting hard so her eyes are as clear as they can possibly be.  She’s fine with the eye wash, but I’m sure that’s due to the fact that she’s not getting anything IN her eye, I’m only wiping the crust from around it.  As clear as her eyes appear, I know the vision just isn’t there anymore and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about that.

Her drinking has subsided, but her bladder control is pretty much out the window. I’m doing everything I can to ensure she’s going out as regularly as possible to relieve herself, but there’s still been accidents in the house and even with everything else going on with her – that’s where MY anxiety levels have skyrocketed. I’ve been shampooing carpets regularly but she was clearly going in the house more often than I originally noticed so there’s heavily perfumed areas of urine in my carpet that I can’t get out with a regular home-based cleaner, to the point that I may need to have Stanley Steemer come in for the deep clean in hopes the steam and cleaning solutions penetrate down to the padding where the smells are being held.  On warmer/humid days the smell is overwhelming and as someone who takes pride in keeping a clean house, having pet odors to this degree is embarrassing as all hell for me.  Having a house guest for a week and needing to have candles going at all times just to mask the smells that I couldn’t get up with the cleaner wasn’t a pleasant experience. I know that he didn’t care, and he only said “ooh, I smell pee” once in the 7 days he was here but the fact that it was even the topic of conversation wasn’t something I was thrilled about.

I knew when we purchased this home that I’d eventually be removing all of the current ‘flooring’.  The floor in the living room/dining room is a weird tan tone that’s been on the floor for probably 30 years.  The carpeting in the hallway and three bedrooms is also 30 years old and a very traditional rose color for the late 70’s that is just ugly regardless of stains.  The den and my closet have a newer berber carpet, but even low piles hold smells and there were stains that I couldn’t removed with the cleaner last year that have only gotten worse over time. So, by default, I’ve been looking into wood flooring.  While it’s more expensive than just replacing carpet, it also gives me a solid floor to easily wipe up instead of having to worry about something soaking into padding.  I also feel it would help to increase the value of the house since it’s more ascetically pleasing in it’s own right. At this point I’d be content with having solid vinyl floors throughout the whole house just so there’s a barrier there for no liquid to penetration.  So, the best of both worlds, I’m looking into laminate hard woods through Lumber Liquidators. I’ve found a few that have the tone I want, and would look amazing with the color I plan on painting all the walls with (Sherwin Williams – Canvas Tan).  The issue is really just buying it and putting it down, cost for everything was about $1200. This covers the cost of wood the entire first floor (minus kitchen and bathrooms), the padding and tools.  Considering having a company come in to do this job would run me over $8000… it’s a pretty good deal.

This isn’t something that will happen in the near future though, finances don’t allow for that kind of modification being as we still have a roof in need of repair, a kitchen that requires the completion of a remodel and a basement to reconfigure to accommodate the possibility of having a few people move in within the next year or so.  That mixed with the fact that I now desperately need to completely fence in the back yard because of Bella’s lack of desire to take a proper walk at night… money’s tight.   We’re absolutely fine on paying bills, there’s no lack of food, we’re not going ‘without’ for anything. We’re comfortable month to month and putting money aside for what we need, but there’s no overflow where we can just pull out money and get things done at once. This house will continue to be a ‘work in progress’ for the next 30 years, but we do have our priorities.

It would be amazing if like $75,000 fell into my hands somehow.  I know our Mortgage still has over 200k on it, and we could easily pay down the principle with 75,000 to help in the long term, but when you factor in everything that needs to be done in and around the house – that bit of money could go a really long way. It would cover all debts (minus mortgage), the roof, a fence, tree removal, landscaping, new flooring, kitchen remodel, and the basement.  It could also cover getting a shed into the yard so I can gain use of my garage for more than a dumping ground and actually have the ability to park in there. It could go so, so far it just needs to appear. Will it? Probably not, but that’s because I don’t live in a dream world where it grows on trees and gets handed to you.

In any event, it’s time for someone’s eyes to get some drops and there’s plenty of work to get done around the house while my inbox is still empty.  Those dishes won’t do themselves… and trust me – I’ve been hoping for that too.

Wrapping my head around it….

Sunday, March 15th, 2015

The last year on Bella has been pretty rough.  We bought a house, so not only did she have a new floor plan (and two-level living) to get accustomed to, but she also had a new neighborhood to get used to as well.  Anytime she got into the car it was either a 10 minute ride to Sean’s mom’s house or a 4.5 hour drive up to NY to visit my family.  We’ve done everything we could to try to keep her as comfortable as possible, but lately things are taking a turn and I’m trying to keep myself together to figure out the best road possible.

For a little bit now Bella has been dealing with conjunctivitis.  I’ve been doing everything possible to keep her eye clean and remove all the gunky discharge and any crust around her eyes on a daily basis. It’s been a battle, because she’s not exactly keen on having anything near her eyes but it’s something that needs to be done and that’s that.  I’ve noticed over the last few weeks that she’s been having trouble getting around.  Going up and down stairs has been rough on her, and she’s refusing to walk at night.

To help a little bit I purchased new pet steps for the bedroom, this has helped her for the getting on the bed aspect of her night, but it doesn’t help her with getting off the bed as she just stumbles down.  I have two sets of stairs in the room, neither one is the right depth for her to manage them.  When she goes down the stairs now (for the house itself) she pulls herself to one side and kind of zig-zags down each step. So she’ll pull towards the right with her front paws and swing her legs down, then pull towards the left and repeat the process.  She isn’t able to do this with the bedroom stairs because they aren’t as wide, so the only thing I can think of is to just build a staircase in the room, but unfortunately the master is just not big enough to be able to pull that off.

Now, Sean and I have been hit with some serious deadlines over the past year so we’ve gotten ourselves on a schedule that is fairly chaotic but gives us the ability to get things done. While it’s only the two of us and there’s no distractions in the house we probably could get away with working at any time of the day but we choose to go with the overnight hours.  Why? I honestly don’t know. But I know I’m more content with finishing up for the day at 6am instead of 6pm.  It’s been like this for as long as I can remember and I think it’s based on the fact that up until a year ago we lived in homes with others so during the day it was harder to concentrate with all of the commotion. I think this trained us into thinking the overnight was better, and that’s just the way it is.

Having our schedule like this means that Bella’s had to adjust to ‘overnight’ life as well. So where most people would walk their dog at 9am, I’m walking her at 9pm.  That’s really the only major ‘adjustment’ she’s ever had to make.  She sleeps all day, and she’s done this since she was a puppy.  She eats 3 times a day, it’s not like her diet / appetite has changed in her 11 years of life. The one thing she’s been doing a lot more of lately is drinking water, but I’ve assumed that has to do with the fact that for quite some time the humidifier on our furnace was broken and EVERYONE was drinking a lot more since the air was so dry. I think I was going through about a tube of chap-stick every two weeks just to keep my lips from bleeding. So her having a little more water hasn’t phased me..

She’s a normal dog, living a normal life. Recently though, in an effort to help make her life a little easier, I’ve begun walking her while it’s still light out. I figured the darkness for a dog who can really only see shadows at this point was just cruel and maybe it being brighter out during the day would help so she could at least take a proper walk without her eyes playing a factor.  That’s not the case though…

I don’t know if there’s something outside that she just doesn’t like, or if she’s scared of something, or has less vision ability than I originally thought, but she downright refuses to walk. Daytime, nighttime, doesn’t matter.  She won’t stray far from the end of the driveway and I feel cruel dragging her up the block when she’s planted all four paws on the ground and refuses to budge.  She pulls herself back so hard that she wiggles out of her leash and then runs home as fast as she possibly can.  Today I brought her out the front door and then instead of going to the street I decided to just try and take her around the house.  There’s plenty of grass for her to relieve herself so she had ample opportunity to do whatever she needed to do.  I got her to go #1 a few times, but #2 is where she seems to draw the line.  Someone happened to close a car door while she was sniffing around so her attention went elsewhere.  By the time she realized where she was running she just went right to the front door. She wasn’t scared of the car door, she was her usual “Where’d that come from?” determined investigator. I kind of dragged her towards the other side of the house and thankfully she finally went #2, but she just was not willing to be outside at all. I could finally get her towards the back door of the house and she ran in, laid down, and hasn’t moved since.

At this point I’m pretty much at my whits end.  It’s not that I’m lacking the patience that is required when dealing with an older animal, that’s not the case at all.  I’m lacking the ability to wrap my head around what I can do for her to make her life easier.  If she was actually sick I would bring her to the vet and see what they recommend (meds  / diet wise) to give her a better quality of life.  Since the only thing physically wrong at this moment in time is the loss of eyesight and the anxiety, I’m not going to even bother wasting the money on going to the vet for them to tell me there’s nothing that can be done.

I’ve been through countless websites, I’ve put in all of her symptoms and everyone has something different.  One site says she’s a diabetic (and requires medication), another says she’s got Cushings (which requires chemo). Then they have a whole list of things for anxiety that all require some kind of medication.  I don’t like the idea of putting her on any meds, she’s gotten through life this long without them and I think that once you introduce medication her quality of life goes down (specifically if she does have Cushings and I introduce Chemotherapy).  There is no quality of life for a dog undergoing chemo, if anything it shortens her life because chemo has a way of not only removing the bad cells in the body, but taking the good ones and burning them off too.

I just don’t know what to do and I’m at a complete loss.  I know that smaller breed dogs live longer than larger breeds, and the oldest smaller breed dog I’ve been around was 17 when needing to be put down because she developed seizures later in life.  Bella’s only 11, part of me wants to believe that I can have another 6 years with her, but at this point in time, with how dramatically she’s slowed down, the lack of eyesight and the possibility of her having cancer that requires chemo, (not like the cancer she had when she was younger where the tumor was completely removed from her stomach),  the massive anxiety about ANYTHING going on, and the attachment issues of my not even being able to pee without her attached to my foot… it’s all just overwhelming.

I know that she’s not exactly having a field day either, I’m not trying to take anything away from her in that regard. The biggest difference between animals and humans is based heavily on the fact that they can’t communicate verbally when something is wrong. I know that when she pulls back she’s experiencing her bouts with anxiety, I know when she keeps bumping her head into things it’s because it’s not where it’s supposed to be and she wasn’t expecting it, this falls with her vision problems.  I’m just so frustrated with the fact that I physically can’t do anything to help her and have absolutely no control over the situation.

I’m also downright heartbroken because she’s my baby. She’s been the only constant in my life for the past 11 years.  I’ve lost so many people close to me that she was who I’d turn to for comfort and cuddles when I needed them the most.

After re-reading this post I realized it seems as though I’m considering putting her to sleep.  Please know that is the absolute farthest thing from my mind, I want to keep her for as long as she’ll allow me too.  I’ve always believed if an animal feels it’s their time to go (and there isn’t an outside factor involved) they will let you know. I know that at this point in time that’s not an option, and it’s just not the time.  I’m just stumped over what the next step is, what I need to do in order to give her a good quality of life before her time is actually up.

It’s just a tough road ahead.

We’re getting there…

Monday, May 12th, 2014

I’ve wanted to actually sit down and post for well over a month and a half, but the joy of homeownership when the place is constantly a wreck tends to take the priority.  So, since it’s been so long, I now don’t even know where to start.

If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook you’d know that we did actually close on the house and get the keys, it happened on March 14th instead of March 12th but it happened. Since then it’s been a mad-dash of “Get This”, “Fix This”, “Clean This”, followed by INSERT MORE COFFEE!!  The house was so freaking disgusting after we got here on closing day. It took me over a week of shampooing carpets before I was even remotely comfortable with moving in my stuff over here. The bathrooms were scrubbed a few times with A LOT of bleach, the garage was full of crap that the previous owners should have gotten rid of and it fucking cost us money to do it, money we didn’t have because they completely fucking screwed us during this entire god damn process.  After going through this house we’ve easily determined that these people were low-life scum who had absolutely no idea what broom was, let alone any advanced cleaning accessory such as a SPONGE. The layers of slime that were scrubbed off of the showers is still mind-blowing to me… to the point that I’m now scrubbing the shower down almost every day just to make sure there’s none of their residue making an appearance – my O.C.D. in this house is possibly 10 times worse than it’s ever been before.  I swear to god if they were ever dumb enough to step foot on this property I’d probably shove a few of the shot-gun shells found in our crawl space straight up their asses.

In the past month we’ve gotten the bare essentials taken care of on the house, the rest are all happening this summer. We’ve got a huge couch and a big comfy chair (for Sean) in the Den. We recently picked up a gorgeous 6-person cherry dining table to start building up the dining room, we bought a small kitchen table the first week so we had somewhere to eat, picked up some bar stools on clearance from Lowes that were a really good find. George and Sean have been busy with some of the maintenance around the house so that we can be in a livable environment, and the only major thing left to accomplish this upcoming summer is to get the roof patched up.  If we had a little more wiggle room with the bank account this summer we’d have a company come in to take down a few of the over-grown (and dying) trees in the back yard so we can start putting in posts for a fence.  Why? Cause the neighbor behind us has the most annoying dog in the world and I’d rather it no longer have the ability to see us whenever we pass by one of our windows, and I want a damn pool so a fence must come first!

Sean’s been really happy down in his basement office, I was able to spend some time getting my office painted and setup so the only thing at this point that’s missing is a new desk but I’m making due with the folding table for now, it’s holding the iMac up pretty well, as well as the side monitor so I think I’ll be OK for a little while. Of course I’m going to need to get my Windows desktop setup at some point for cross-browser testing but I’ll continue to utilize the free services for now.  I could really care less if IE6 supports something anyway, if you’re still using IE6 then you shouldn’t have a computer to begin with.

The one big draw-back for life recently is the fact that my cell-phone is pretty much useless. I dropped it on the day of closing and the back popped off, it’s currently being held together with electrical tape and the battery only holds a charge for about 30-60 minutes. I literally have to keep it on the charger unless I’m talking on it, in which case I have to make sure there’s a charger close by.  Now, the battery was shit before I broke the back off of the phone, it’s just gotten much worse over time so I’m going to assume that replacing it should help to solve a few of my problems.  Thankfully, even though the Droid-4 was made in a way that Verizon would have to change the battery for you, I was able to break the piece off that Verizon has the tool for and I don’t need to waste money by bringing anything to them.  So, I’m gonna spend $20 on Amazon for a replacement and hopefully be good to go. I’m not due for an upgrade, but with the cost of cellphones I’d rather salvage the one I have for as long as humanly possible.  There’s no point in my spending $200 to upgrade every two years when I can just pick up a $20 battery that should hopefully give me at least 12 months without any problems.

BUT – the one thing we’re doing to help with the problem is turning our Double Play with Comcast into a Triple Play. Sean didn’t really see the point in having a house phone in the beginning, but now that he’s seeing how many problems I’m having with my phone and seeing how often I need to be ON the phone because my entire family and all of my friends live in NY he’s realizing that the house phone will be an essential part of life here for me. So tonight while we were in Staples we found an AT&T phone system for like $100 that included like 5 phones which would pretty much cover every room in the house, Sean figured it would be cheaper on Amazon so we walked away from it, but I saw saw it for like $130 on Amazon so I guess I’ll be heading back to Staples… when will men learn to listen?

In any event, I have an inbox full of crap to take care of and eyelids that are not willing to cooperate, so it’s time to increase my caffeine and while that’s working through my system it’s time to walk the dog. If it weren’t for her snoring next to me, I honestly would have completely forgotten it’s time for her to head around the block.

Move quicker damn it!

Tuesday, February 25th, 2014

We’re still at the mercy of the bank.  We’ve had to add a second co-signer to the loan because the first one (while well qualified) pays rent so they then needed to re-crunch the numbers.  The issue now is the fact that they sent all of this to us on Monday 24th, which is the day when we’re supposed to be letting the current home owners know we’re “good to go” and they can work on getting their stuff out of the house so we can close on Friday. We, unfortunately, have not gotten the green light – all we got was an extra 60 pages of a contract that needed to be filled out and sent back ASAP – now we’re not going to know a damn thing until tomorrow afternoon.

It’s a 50/50 chance that we’ll be closing on Friday, but at this point I’m leaning more towards next week based on how royally we’ve been screwed this entire time. I, personally, could care less about how this is effecting the current home owners because they lied way too much for me TO CARE.  I got this sob story about how they’re going into assisted living, can’t afford their bills, yada yada. Meanwhile, they were just downsizing and moving to a different community.  Why lie? Why even concoct a story? You didn’t need to say a damn thing to us, you could have been honest and said that the house was just too big for you to handle. Why even come up with some bull shit to try to tug the heart strings? You’re not dealing with a native Delawarian.. you’re dealing with a New Yorker who couldn’t give two shits about you at the end of the day anyway!

So by tomorrow afternoon (fingers crossed) we’ll know our closing date. I’m still hoping it’s Friday just because I’m itching to get the hell in there and scrub the crap out of the place but who knows. Either way I have a stock of cleaning supplies already written down that I need to buy and bring over there. I just want start the cleaning process, have Comcast come in to wire the place and the rest is cake.

I haven’t even started packing, it’s not because I’ve been too lazy to get started it’s because the “Waiting Game” aspect of things has lead me to believe that this wasn’t actually going to happen for us. Is there a lot to pack? Sure. Is it something I could knock out in a few days? Yes. That’s the beauty part. When you own the home and you’re not leaving a “Rental” property – you’ve got a little time to get yourself in and settled. So by default the first task is to get the place cleaned up, while cleaning have anything installed by an outside company that needs to be installed (In our case it’s just Comcast).  Then we’ll be heading over to a few furniture places because the only pieces of furniture we currently own are a bed and two desks. Clearly in a 2900 sqft home we’re going to need a lot more.  So, first purchase will be a couch, and then I’m hitting up every Thrift Store I can find to get the rest of the house furnished. I will NEVER buy a ‘used’ sofa from anyone. You never know where the sofa really came from, and I don’t want the headache of scrubbing things down to the point I’m stripping the color off the fabric because it’s just not clean enough for me to have any piece of mind.  So the sofa will be brand new, where as anything wood based (dining room table/chairs, end tables, coffee table, dresser, nightstands, etc) will come from thrift shops and flea markets. Why? Cause I know I can easily scrub them down and I’ll probably wind up stripping the paint off and staining them anyway.

Do I have it all figured out? of course. Will things go any faster because I have them figured out? Of course not! Sean’s a complete impatient mess right now, but I know he just wants to get this whole process over and done with so we can focus on more important things. I typically will keep the frustration levels to myself, but that’s because I know when it comes to certain things I can handle stress better. I also know I can handle paperwork better, but when you’re exposed to that stuff it’s just something you get used to.

The only thing that I’m increasingly growing impatient about is the fact that Bella’s hair is way too long and she’s been panting like all holy hell because it’s always so damn warm in this house. I spend a lot of time in the bedroom with the window open and the overhead fan on but that doesn’t help her comfort levels. I want to know the exact monetary numbers we’re dealing with for the closing on this house so that I know if there’s an extra $100 in the budget for me to get her groomed just so that’s one less thing to stress about.

A big stress factor right now is work has really, really slowed down to the point that it’s scaring me. I’ve always got little things to do but there’s nothing to really solidly keep myself as busy as I’d prefer. The only benefit to this is it’s given me time to get a new template together for AGn Designs, to replace the “Temporary Site” that’s been sitting there for two years that I freaking hate. I still have like five or six pages to format though, so lord only knows when that will be completed.

Either way, my inbox is showing me that I have a few things to accomplish today so hopefully I’ll be able to get them knocked out and keep my mind off everything with the house.

Down with Del Monte!

Saturday, August 3rd, 2013

I’m going to warn all readers in advance, this is a very graphic post and if you can not handle canine bodily fluids – this is not the post for you to read.

I’ve been flustered for so much of the past week that I honestly didn’t even notice it was Saturday until I looked at my phone this afternoon. I’ve been stuck in the world of “WOW, What the hell am I going to do now?”.

Last Saturday (7/27) I noticed Bella had a little hint if diarrhea after vomiting. Since this only happened in a small amount, and it’s not uncommon for her to have the occasional diarrhea, I honestly didn’t think anything of it. Within a few hours she appeared to be feeling just fine and was jumping and playing all over the house.  She was playing and enjoying life on Sunday and even Monday too. You can imagine my surprise when on Tuesday she went downhill, and fast.  The poor thing was dealing with excessive vomiting, and by excessive I mean she was throwing up every 10 to 15 minutes for a solid 3 hours before I could actually get her into the vets office.  By then, she was so weak that she didn’t even care where she was.  Normally, at the vet she’s very quick to want to jump off of the exam table and run out the door.  She couldn’t even hold her little body up to do that.

After telling the tech what had been going on, and providing her with a list of everything she eaten in the past 72 hours they brought her into the back room to run blood work.  After that, the vet came back in and asked if anything like this had every happened to her before, I confirmed that it hadn’t because, for the most part, she’s a healthy dog.  She requested that we do an X-Ray on her to be sure that she doesn’t have anything stuck in her system that could be causing this. I did note that the first instance of vomiting included a non-digested piece of a new treat that we were trying out. She noted that the food consumed over the past 72 hours wasn’t really cause for concern, but then noted that the addition of new treats (MILO’S KITCHEN – GRILLED STEAK) to her diet have her worried.  She wound up having to do a third X-Ray on Bella as her blood work came back and something just didn’t seem right.

She came back into the room, said that they see no blockage but Bella would need to stay overnight based on what they found with blood work and X-Rays. Her liver was three times larger than it was supposed to be. Size wise it was the equivalent of what they would see on a 250-pound Mastiff, not a 20-pound Lhasa Apso.  Her blood work showed that her Enzyme levels were dangerously high as well. She believed this to be due to the excessive vomiting.  She also noticed that her intestines were two times larger than they were supposed to be. There was a lot of liquid in her intestines with gas pockets. It was not a healthy-looking situation.

I told them to do whatever they needed to do to keep her alive, and I shit you not I was 100% convinced I would never be seeing my dog again based on how horribly ill she was at that point. She’d thrown up a few times during the exam, and the final ‘vomit’ smelled like Bile. It wasn’t the stomach-acid type of throw up, it literally seemed as though she was pooping out of her mouth.  She was rushed into the back room so she could be placed on an IV, she was dehydrating fast and they wanted to make sure there were enough fluids in her for the chance that she could make it through the night.

The doctor came back in the room and noted that she’d seen something like this recently. When we’d mentioned “Milo’s Kitchen” to her, she knew things would need to be rushed moving forward. She’d had a dog in that past weekend who was unfortunately in full renal failure and did not survive the night. The only thing that stuck out in the very healthy dogs diet was the “Milo’s Kitchen”.  The vet knew of a previous recall on the Chicken Jerky, but this dog consumed one of the “Sausage” treats that actually lead to the death of the animal.

Since there was nothing that I could physically do, I left Bella in their hands.  I called the office around 11pm, they’re a 24-hour facility so I knew someone would be there, and I – at that point – was a complete and total worry wort. This is my baby after-all.  The overnight vet noted that she is now dealing with excessive amounts of diarrhea and they’ve increased the fluids to keep her hydrated.  She was also given quite a few ‘butt baths’ so she wasn’t sitting in her own fecal matter.  She messed the cage a few times, and was taken outside quite a few times as well. The vet repeated, that this is a very, very sick dog.

I had a lot of trouble falling asleep, all I wanted to do was rush over there and hold her but based on how ill she was I knew that wasn’t a possibility.  I wanted her to just get better, she separation anxiety would have to be on hold for another day. The office called around 12:30PM, they noted that she’s doing much better and said that if I could bring in some light food for her, that I could bring her home so she had the ability to heal the rest of the way.  I wasn’t comfortable with this statement, not after the day before.

I did head over to the office a little later that afternoon with boiled chicken and rice in a bowl for her to try to get her to eat. Prior to going in there I did speak with the vet, she noted that that mornings X-Ray showed that her intestines had gone down to normal size, and that her liver had also gone down in size as well. We weren’t in the clear, her liver was still very enlarged.  The doctor and I agreed that she was to have a cat-scan prior to my even attempting to bring her home just to confirm that there were no stones or anything blocking her digestive track that could have been causing this. We were both 100% on the fact that it was related to “Milo’s Kitchen” but wanted to make sure either way.

I went into the back room, she was super excited to see me and crying excessively.  She was on her second IV bag of the day to keep her hydrated and she had absolutely no interest in any of the food I was trying to give her, she wanted out more than anything. After trying for about 10 minutes the vet said that the two bites of food should be enough for us to know if something is going to come back up and from there they whisked her away to the cat-scan. That scan confirmed there was nothing blocking any of her digestive track that could have caused this, it also confirmed that the treats were 100% of the cause being as her normal-diet could NOT have had this effect on her.

I agreed to take her home based on their findings, and was also provided with more medications than I had ever seen before in my life. Hell, when Karen was on Chemo she didn’t need this many pills. Anti-Diarrheal, Anti-Nausea, Anti-Biotic, Pain Killer and ear drops. The drops are there because, on top of everything, Bella also now had an ear infection.

As soon as we got home she peed like she hadn’t gone in months and went right to sleep. She was still woozy from all of the medications she’d received that day, and had absolutely no interest in eating ANYTHING. Her diet now consists of boiled chicken and ground beef. I can use either rice or potatoes to pair up with it.

I began reading through the ingredients on the packaging for her treats.  I don’t keep a ‘stock’ of them, she goes through one bag at a time. Usually she’s on Beggin’ Strips, but since she’s shown no interest in them I figured it was time to change it up – this is why she was switched to “Milo’s Kitchen” because it looked semi-natural and claimed it was made in America.  I picked up the Grilled Steak and the Sausage w/ Rice treats for her from the supermarket. These are the “items” that were in her system prior to it almost completely shutting down.

I’m 100% taking Bella off of any store-bought pet foot (wet & dry) as well as treats.  She’ll be eating only homemade dog food AND treats for the rest of her life. Why? Because every single dog treat on the shelves contains one (or both) of these ingredients.

#1 – Propylene Glycol – Commonly found on the ingredients list as a way to preserve moisture content in dog foods (hard and soft) as well as treats. It’s actual use? It’s the key component in newer automotive ANTIFREEZE.

#2 – Glycerin – Commonly found in dry food, wet food and dog treats. Until recently it was a byproduct of soap making. Today, however, it’s a byproduct of biofuels.

These two ingredients were found in her system on the blood test, to further confirm that it was the treats that did it for her.  The food she was eating prior to any of this starting was (for the most part) people food. If I can’t pronounce what’s on the packaging, why would I feed it to her? This dog has survived the past 9 years on pasta, chicken, beef, rice, potatoes and veggies. If all of these ingredients are supposedly IN her dog food, why shouldn’t I give her exactly what the packaging claims it will be?

The chemical mark-up for dog treats is disgusting, point blank.  These items are not found in cat treats/food because the FDA smartened up and regulated it after so many cats had passed away after consuming it.  At this point, however, no regulation is being made on the dog food. With this, Bella will never be eating dog food OR treats again. Anything by the parent company of “Del Monte” is the first thing to go. There have been so many recalls for every single one of their brands (including “Milo’s Kitchen”) that I wish I would have known something about it sooner.

So how do I fix this? Well, being as her time at the vet completely wiped out my checking account for over $1,200 it’s a little hard to bring money together right now to make proper dog food for her but I am utilizing what I have in my freezer to insure that she’s only eating food that humans eat. Why? Because if I’m not getting sick off of it – I know she won’t either.  When I get paid on Monday, however, I’ll be taking some money and purchasing a food dehydrator. From now on I’ll be making my own dog treats and there will be absolutely no way in hell that she will ever be touching one of the ‘fancy’ ones that you see in the supermarkets.

How should you fix this? Avoid the same things that I am, this should insure that your dog is living a much happier life.

Avoid anything manufactured by “Del Monte” foods. They clearly do not care about the health of your animal, why continue to fill their pockets with money?

Avoid anything treats that were made in China, Brazil, Chile, South-America in general. This includes Raw Hide!

If you’re keen on raw-hide, make sure you’re also avoiding that “Made in China” label. It’s posted on 100% of the bones you find in your local super market. As long as you see that notice, it’s time to put down the treat and walk away.

The company I’m 100% supporting right now is Wholesome Hide, they’re made in a America, they actually look like a proper raw-hide, and they do not contain the bits of random animal shavings in the middle. It’s a solid roll of hide and 100% natural. There’s no funky food coloring, there’s no rope-like material holding it together. Wholesome Hide is a company you know that you can trust, there have also been 0 (yes ZERO) recalls on their products.  What does that tell you about how much they care about your animal? Lord knows Del Monte doesn’t, look at their track record!

Del Monte Foods –  These are a list of what to completely avoid.

  • Kibbles & Bits
  • Milkbone
  • Pup-Peroni
  • Meaty Bone
  • Milo’s Kitchen
  • Gravy Train
  • Canine Carry Outs
  • Jerky Treats
  • Snausages
  • Nature’s Recipe

And, by default of course, I will no longer be eating ANYTHING they make. Not that their ‘human’ food was any better, but I’m officially boycotting the entire fucking company.

So yea, that’s been my week.

All I can say to sum it up, make sure you’re reading every single label for your dog the same way that you do for yourself. If you can not pronounce the chemical in the food, you’re better off not allowing them to have any access to it either. It’s better for their health in the long run. Yes, there may be brands out there that are 100% safe for your dog to consume (food wise), but make sure you’ve done your research too. Even Beneful, a “trusted brand” for pet-health has had numerous recalls and pet-deaths attached to their names.

Be careful.

New Year…Same Shit…

Saturday, January 12th, 2013

I’ve wanted to be able to jump on here for a while, but as usual – life gets in the way.  I’m experiencing downtime, which isn’t normal this time of year.  Usually January is when things pick up to the point that I’m about to rip my hair out.  That’s not the case this month.  I’m hoping this low doesn’t last for too long – I do still have bills to pay.  I’m finishing up a small site, and working on some domain transfers but that’s really all that’s going on right now.  It’s driving me crazy. I’m looking at six different email accounts where the inbox is completely blank… scares me.

Usually I’d take the time to finally get the chance to work on my own things.  That’s really not the case this time and I’m not sure why.  The lack of inspiration to build something for myself concerns me a little, being as I always did better in Delaware than I did in New York on creativity coming out of my ears…. hope that funk goes away before someone comes at me with “Just run with it” template/logo request. I’ve wanted to come up with a new template for krissy.nu, agndesigns.net, acidgloss.net and even agn-solutions.net but I’ve got no inspiration at all.

The perk to today is our new bluetooth case for the tablet came in, it’s nice having a keyboard to type on, and kind of irks me that this tablet is more powerful than my actual laptop right now.  It’s the goal for this year to pick up a Macbook, and typically we like to get at least one big electronic purchase in during the year to help out on taxes. Of course it’s still upsetting to know that I’ll no longer be able to pick up the 17″ MacBook Pro, and everyone keeps telling me that the screen resolutions on the 17″ are close to the 15″ but to me it’s just not the same. I’m so used to having a 17″ that anything smaller is just not going to work out for me.  I don’t like the Retina displays, I think that’s a complete and total waste of money considering they’re supposed to be some type of super HD bull shit, but you couldn’t even load in a DVD to watch on the thing because they’re done with super drives.  I don’t know what the hell Apple is trying to do, but there’s some unhappy consumers out there right now, that’s for damn sure.

Anyhoo….

New Year’s was spent in NY with my family and a few old friends that I’ve been missing. We saw Colin almost immediately, but I’m sure that’s because he was the most vocal about missing us, I hung out with Muir for a little bit (didn’t see the munchkin ’cause he was pretty sick), I got to have dinner with Franny and see a few of the old crew of my last job, I spent some time with my sister doing some shopping, hung out at my moms a little and while I was home I floated around the kitchen to do some restocking of a very bare fridge for my dad.  They’d been eating a lot of take out for the last 6 months apparently, all I saw was a few TV dinners and a bottle of Vodka in the freezer and almost immediately began writing up my shopping list. I’ve gotten so used to regular ‘big meal’ type of cooking over the years that it’s second nature to me.  It was hard only being able to stay up there for a week though.  I really wanted to stay longer.. I feel there wasn’t enough time spent with people and when you’re away for so long it’s hard to catch up knowing that you’re on some type of a schedule.

So we went up a few days after Christmas, and returned a few days after New Years – thankfully we left late enough where there was really no one on the road and were able to get down here in pretty good time.  Bella did really well during the drives up and down.  Unfortunately we weren’t that lucky when we actually got to the house early Saturday morning (in DE).  She ran up the stairs so quick that I think she got one of her nails stuck in between the slats on the wood stairs and was then limping around barely putting any weight on her paw at all.  Since it was 4am there was really nothing I could do for her at the time, I checked her paw she had full mobility and I felt nothing in between the pads in reference to swelling or some type of a splinter.  We wound up bringing her to the vet the following afternoon to have her checked out. I was given some anti-inflammatory meds (that gave her diarrhea  but the next few days she did pretty well so thankfully I was able to stop her at the 2 pills instead of the full 6.

Since then, we’ve all just kind of been hanging out.  Sean’s got quite a bit going on and since it’s all programming based there’s really nothing I can do to help him other than handle the side-job emails, quick template updates, and even moving domains around.  There’s nothing substantial for me to work on right now and while it’s driving me nuts – it’s also telling me that I’m going to have a very easy weekend to get all of the Christmas decorations taken down and the bedroom cleaned up because things are completely out of place ever since we came back from NY and the lack of organization is another irk of mine. I’m even considering having Sean hang a few shelves up for me, but I’ll wait until I’ve fully decided upon that one since he’ll jump at the chance to hang shelves any day of the week – he’s weird like that.

It’s all coming to an end…

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012

With the Holiday’s winding down, I’m finally able to wind down long enough to actually knock out a post. I’ve pretty much been running around like a chicken with my head cut off since Thanksgiving. Work, as I noted previously, is coming in waves, but at the same time the tide hasn’t really gone out. It’s not the luxury of “Ok, I can take some time on this and then bounce back to this.” it’s been “Do it now, and faster!”

@AGnDesigns - Instagram @AGnDesigns - InstagramWhile that can get a little annoying, it also worked to our benefit this year.  All family members were well taken care of for Christmas, Sean and I did spend quite a bit of money on ourselves but it was on things that we both wanted (for a while) and desperately needed.  We know the difference between Wants and Needs – unlike anyone under the age of 16 these days.  We both were in desperate need of new desks.  I had my Mac sitting on a Rubbermaid folding table and being as the 27-inch iMac (2011) weighs about 40 pounds, it was starting to sink down in the middle. To avoid it completely caving in, we went out and got me a new desk.  It’s a super nice one, with plenty of storage and it’s even a little bigger than the previous folding table so I actually got the chance to organize things where I can still completely function without any issues at all. Obviously after Sean spent 7 hours putting this thing together (one warped piece was throwing EVERYTHING off) he gladly took a little nap.  I decorated the drawers with dollar store shelf liner so that they can list a super long time without getting destroyed. There’s more than enough room for the work phone so my boss can stay on my butt too heh. I had it across the room next to the TV because we didn’t have a long enough Ethernet chord, but that was taken care of with the addition of a ZyXEL wireless switch that now sits behind my monitor. It supposedly boosts the Wifi in the house, but turns the Wifi into an actual plugged in connection as well, so I’ve got the phone plugged into it and if I needed to I could plug a printer in to it. It was actually strong enough of a feed to handle Sean’s XBOX 360 for a few weeks as well, so obviously it works how it’s supposed to.

@leprakhauns - InstagramSean, after my desk was put together, began increasingly becoming annoyed with his desk. After drilling into him that he spends way too much time at his desk and needs a new one…. we headed back to Staples a little over a week later (this past weekend actually) to pick up a new desk for him.  The one he’s been using for years was a typical students desk with the metal legs, the pull-out keyboard and the thin table top. One you’d see in college students dorm, basically.  So it was creaking like all holy hell and we wound up replacing that one as well.  He found a nice wide desk that he was in love with, but it unfortunately was not going to fit in the room so he went with one that was closer to size (in comparison to mine).  He’s in love with it as well.  It’s very nice dark wood with a nice sturdy base, some drawers – finito.

While picking up his new desk we browsed around the store a little bit, and came across the Google Nexus 10″ – Android Tablet.  Of course I was instantly in love, this thing is more powerful than the Droid 4’s that we upgraded to in October.  The $500 price tag instantly turned this item into a “Want”. We’ve been bouncing back and forth about Tablet’s for a little while now.  Sean really wanted to see what the new Microsoft Surface was about, I personally had no interest in it at all being as I’m as anti-Windows as you can possibly get these days.  Upgrading to Mac has spoiled me rotten.  I don’t have to deal with excessive upgrades, daily virus/malware scans and the blue screen of death that Microsoft claims to have gotten rid of , but I’ve seen it on both Windows 7 AND 8 because it’s very easy – when you know what you’re doing – to trigger everything Microsoft claims doesn’t exist.

@AGnDesigns - InstagramEither way, we both were playing with the Tablet for a little while and found out when browsing through the Settings to get all of the stats that it was now possible (with Android – Ice Cream) to have multiple users.  This sparked our interest almost instantly, and we both looked at eachother and I was like “I want”, he said “Go get it” (cause he’s fricken awesome) and while I was pulling the car around (cause he was picking up his desk the same day) he paid for both. Turned into an expensive shopping trip on our parts, but we walked out of there with a want, and a need.

 

@AGnDesigns - InstagramWhile he was in the Bedroom for a few hours setting up his new desk, I was prepping the house for Christmas.  I did more baking in the past few days than I ever thought possible. Everything from cookies, to breads, to brownies – you name it, I probably baked it. I went all out for Christmas this year, because I actually had more room to do it. I know that sounds a little weird but it’s true. A huge living room and a big footprint in reference to the front end of the house, things just kind of happened.  The baking was really just phase two, we’d spent quite some time decorating prior to my even pulling the flour out of the cabinet.  So the tree was decorated, the bulk of the outdoors was draped in white lights and the rest of the house had random little touches here and there.  Thankfully, minus today, there was really no wet weather going on outside so my garland didn’t get all mucky and was nice and clean for Christmas. I was also really happy with the tree in the living room. With the combination of Karen’s ornaments and mine everything kind of came together that worked out really nicely.

Traditionally, families open their gifts on Christmas Day. Around here? Christmas Eve. I think it’s a tradition based on impatience but to each their own. Sean cleaned up this year, outside of the gifts purchased for ourselves of course. New shirts, plenty of toys and gadgets to keep him entertained and the guitar I bought him. I know I usually complain to him about how much noise he can make on his own (without an accessory) but at the same time we’ve both had a pretty rough year, him more than I, and it was something I know he always wanted. So I got him a nice stand for it, and a DVD so he can learn how to play and we’ll go from there.

@leprakhauns - InstagramI also got him some new Happy Feet, this is a brand that we were in love with long before Snooki put it on MTV. I’ve always had a pair, and so has he and his were worn to the point that his toes were going to start popping through the bottom. Knowing how comfy they are I changed it up a little bit and got him the “All Around” ones, they look like real sneakers and there’s about an inch-thick rubber sole on the bottom of them. They’re better than my usual outdoor slippers so of course I’ll have to pick up a pair for myself in the future but for now this was all about him and that’s what he got. So that was one pair, and instead of getting him the standard color variations I decided to take a look under the “Animals” section and got him the most ridiculous ones I could find – and his favorite animal – the Penguins. Watching him walk around in these is more amusing than the slippers themselves, but they bring a smile to just about everyone’s face so it was more than worth it.

I cleaned up pretty well myself. Karen got me the “In-Styler” which is a hair straighter I’ve always wanted. I’ve used a friends before and it was probably the fastest way to straighten my hair that I’ve ever used. Some people have mixed feelings on it, others use it totally wrong and wonder how their hair gets wrapped up in it. As long as you read the directions it works out exactly as it’s supposed to, so I’m bringing it up to NY with me while Sean and I head up there for New Years, and after I get a much needed hair cut (via Mom) and dyed (via my sister), I’ll be using it to style my hair. Mom and I are also hitting up the nail salon, I’m long overdue for a manicure AND I desperately need my eyebrows done it’s been almost six months and I just can’t fricken take it anymore.

As usual, I bought myself a few articles of clothing while I was doing some shopping for other family members and had Sean wrap them for me. There was a jacket at Old Navy that I’ve wanted for a while, and I was in need of new yoga-pants so I threw those into the shopping cart as well. He wrapped everything for me, knowing that he was supposed to actually buy the items for me for my Birthday back in October but never did (I oddly got a Christmas tree instead), so he switched Holiday’s but kept the wrapping paper basically lol.

@agndesigns - InstagramThe thing I was surprised about, however, was the ViewSonic 24-inch Monitor that was under the tree. I’ve been using a 17-inch monitor as my “Email Screen” for the past couple of months and it was working out pretty well for me. I kept my email completely on that window and when I was actually in Photoshop or Dreamweaver I would just load project free TV and watch television right on the desk, no complaints at all. So you can imagine my surprise when Sean upgraded me to a much larger screen. This was one of those items that wasn’t on my wants, or my needs – which then turns into a complete and total surprise. And that wraps up Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day was a completely different story – I was non stop in the kitchen. I was cooking/cleaning for a good 8 hours yesterday. I fired up the crock pots early in the day to get the sauce going, the meat balls and sausage wound up in the pot a few hours later and from there it was just the matter of getting the pasta in the water so I could get everything into the oven. I even managed to get a spiral ham in the oven with everything else going on. As soon as dinner was done, I had a quick cig and was back in the kitchen to clean everything up and start baking the brownies. Why? Cause for the most part the cookies from Friday were already gone and the ones that remained were a little on the hard side. I figured that some time of dessert was required on Christmas and I went the double thick double fudge brownie route – more than half of them are gone which – to any cook – damn good sign.

Then Wednesday comes…..

Today was supposed to be a day of packing, working and getting ready to get out of here bright and early tomorrow morning for the long drive up to New York to see friends and my family. Of course that hasn’t been the case at all. Even though I woke up relatively early, I’ve been doing other things (not sure what) but nothing that I had originally set out to do. I do know that a load of dishes was done, all of the laundry was folded but nothing was put into the suit case at all. I also needed to get about 8 or-so hours of Work completed because we’re losing an entire day tomorrow to the drive up to New York and lord only knows what kind of a drive that’s going to be considering the storm sitting over the Northeast right now. Thankfully, in southern Delaware, it’s just rain but unfortunately it’s A LOT of rain and the complex is completely flooded. This was heaps of fun when it came to walking the dog. I don’t mind the drizzle, that wasn’t the problem, the excessive amounts of water just sitting because the complex has absolutely NO proper drainage systems is 4 inches of just mud and twigs to walk through. Poor Bella wound up taking a swim on multiple occasions tonight just because we completely misjudged the depth of the puddles we were going in to. I also found out that my winter boots are absolutely NOT water proof. As soon as I was in up to my ankle, my foot was soaked and of course they’re too big for me so they were rubbing weird and my sock wound up slipping down – needless to say it was not a good experience for anyone involved and Bella only really went to the potty twice (usually she goes about 4 times) but she still wound up having to be thrown into the sink for a nice bath to get her color back to white, she’d turned into a muddy brown fur ball for the bulk of the walk, the puddles did help but it just darkened everything and I wanted her to be nice and clean for Grandpa tomorrow.

We’re hoping to leave here before noon, now no ones gifts are wrapped and I haven’t done any packing but that’s completely the plan for the morning so that we can get up there in a decent amount of time and have the time to stop somewhere on the turnpike to pick up a roast beef sandwich from one of the Roy Rogers along the way for my father because that’s his one and only request for my time in New Jersey on the way to Long Island. I’m also needing to make a stop while we’re down here to pick up some cigs (for peoples xmas gifts) and some fudge from Candy Kitchen as I promised other family members that I would.

I can honestly say… there’s no way in hell we’re getting out of here by noon…that’s for damn sure.

We’re only going to be up in NY for about a week. Sean’s father is staying down here with his mother while we’re up there, she’s got 2 Chemo treatments this week and then unfortunately she’s going to lose a week to sickness because she’s not getting the third day of extra fluids because they supposedly don’t do that on Saturdays around here, and she didn’t go in today – for whatever reason – to start the scheduled 3-day cycle. So now she’s going to lose a day and I just hope that George keeps pushing large glasses of water onto her so that she can stay hydrated enough to get through the nausea that’s going to completely consume her for the next week.

We’re ringing in the New Year and NY and I personally couldn’t be happier. Being down here for the last six months I’ve really missed my friends and family and just can’t wait to get home. Even if that means I’m not sleeping tonight just so we can get out of here tomorrow – I’ll do whatever it takes.

I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to get into my Dashboard for a while since the work is still piling up and this is a ‘mini vacation’ for me, so I’m wishing everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year! I hope 2013 is a hell of a lot better than 2012… at least we won’t have to deal with all of the Mayan Calendar bullshit anymore, heh.

I’m gonna shoot somebody…

Friday, November 16th, 2012

I’m not a big fan of the stigma around “Christmas”. I don’t like the fact that, since July 5th, I’ve seen nothing but Christmas decorations going up in local stores and really hate the fact that finding Halloween Candy at Walgreens took a lot longer than necessary considering it was a week BEFORE Halloween.  Now that Halloween is over, and Thanksgiving is fast approaching – there’s absolutely NOTHING on TV except for crappy cop and dance shows, with a whole sea of “Black Friday” commercials from every single store that exists in America with an advertising budget.  Please explain why it’s so fucking important to push Christmas on people? Why can’t people just be happy with what they have and not even bother anticipating wiping out their savings accounts just to go shopping?

I did my shopping online, and only bought for immediate family. Why? Because I’m not made of money and I know they were a few key items that would make them happy. I didn’t go overboard like I have in years past. Why? Cause I’m still paying off those fricken credit cards from Christmas two years ago just because I wanted to include everyone and their mother.  I then realized, it was a complete and total waste of my time. The best gift to give anyone is money in a card so they can go out after the rush and get something for themselves.  Why? Cause 99% of the time – they either won’t use or won’t wear anything you bought them anyway!

So why am I so annoyed?

Welp, I went out tonight with the goal of picking up a few things from the dollar store so that I can make sure that I have everything I need to have Thanksgiving (yea, remember THAT Holiday??!) go off without a hitch. It’s only going to be the four of us for dinner (Sean, Karen, George and Myself) but I still intend to do it right and make sure that dinner is lovely and everyone can have a nice nap afterwords.  So anyway… I pulled into the Dollar Tree parking lot and it was pretty much a bumper-to-bumper situation to the point that I felt like I was stuck in traffic on the expressway – this is a fricken parking lot so what the hell is going on?

After the LINES of cars found their spots, I was able to find one by the store in the “30 minutes or less” parking spaces that are setup for shoppers.  I noticed that Dollar Tree, while a little busy, was no where near as crowded as they usually are on a Friday night.  After picking up the aluminum products needed to get through Thursday’s dinner and a new ruled legal pad as well as a few decorations for my new Christmas tree (which Sean will be putting up on Thursday), I proceeded to checkout.  I dealt with the usual old hag paying for $50 worth of products with pennies (mind you, that’s 50 items considering Delaware is a no sales-tax state), I then dealt with the confused pot head wondering how much his two items were going to cost him as he clenched a five dollar bill. After they cleared the way it was finally my turn. While my 22 items (Yea, I keep count) were being rung up I asked the cashier if this is a typical Friday night in this parking lot or if something special was going on.  Forgetting that there was a movie theater next store I was informed that another fricken Twilight movie came out at Midnight last night and this particular theater was basically doing 24 hours of glistening vampires that can hang out in the sun all day.  I stopped myself from vomiting on the spot, paid my bill and preceded to walk back to my truck.

This wasn’t the typical walk, this was the ‘dodge-every-ten-year-old-you-can-see’ and ‘run-over-the-ones-you-can’t-see’ type of walk.  The lines of people trying to get into this movie blew my damn mind.  Not only where there little teeny-boppers going nuts while WAITING in line and already reciting scenes to eachother, there’s also a crowd of older teenagers who are covered in white makeup (or they’ve never seen the sun themselves) and they’re taking all of these gothic/depressed looking pics of themselves cause they need to “OMG THIS IS GOING ON FACEBOOK” themselves.

Some douchebag on a skateboard damn near ran into my truck while he was trying some fricken awesome dunce cap move and to be my usual jerkoff self I decided to set the alarm as a warning that not only was I watching everything fucking going on around my truck, but proving that the blaring alarm is going to be the least of his problems when they’ll need to scrape his ass up off the pavement cause I had every intent of running him the fuck over.

I finally, after a good ten minutes of losing my patience, get INTO my truck. The line of cars still hasn’t really gone away but knowing that they sure as hell aren’t turning into a parking spot anytime soon, I sat there for a good 20 minutes waiting to GET OUT of my parking space because people are fucking rude and think that your trying to back out of a parking spot means you’re going to steal one that’s closer to the movie theater. Fuck you, I don’t think so.  This is a time when I wish I owned a monster truck so I could just reverse over the fucking line of hybrid cars and drive over everyone.  So the asshole behind my car decided it would be a good time to put himself in park and run into dollar tree (for whatever fucking reason) because he figures the row of cars to get into the theater isn’t going to move anyway.  He didn’t make it past my car door before I started screaming bloody murder in his direction.  I told him, as nicely as I could “Unless you’re interested in playing demolition derby – move your fucking car NOW!”  And apparently when a dumb southern boy hears a New Yorker screaming at them, they listen.  His wife almost got popped in the face for running her mouth but I was a good girl and didn’t even say anything to her (though I should have).

He backed up and finally let me out, then of course he got himself into the now vacant 30 minute spot that I inhabited and they (he and the wifey) both were trying to walk down to the theater and were stopped by a security guard who saw the entire fucking situation go down. He was told to move and try again. So I nicely sat there to keep him blocked in. It took me another 15 minutes before I could even GET OUT of the lot because it’s just a fricken one-way lane and I was all the way at the WRONG END of it.   So when I finally was able to touch my gas pedal instead of just coasting on fumes I quickly zipped out of the parking lot and went on my merry way.

I made it to my second destination, Food Lion, why? Cause even though I spent $200 on groceries three days ago – there was a lot of shit (Thanksgiving based) that was forgotten. Thankfully the store was empty, probably because everyone and their mother was on the other end of town for the stupid Twilight movie. I managed to get in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes, still spent $80 but what’s done is done.

I get back to the house, check in Karen (who’s not handling Chemo too well), bring in the groceries and then need to head outside for a cigarette cause my brain is pretty much fried at this point.  So I’m sitting outside with Sean and Bella, and now the dog insists its time to go out for her nightly walk (an hour early).  So I headed inside to get her coat, and her leash and we take off.  I want to assume that the movie got out because all of a sudden the entire complex was like grand central fucking station.  First there’s an endless line of cars coming in (two of which almost killed my dog by the way) then there’s a random dog chained up outside of their house (freezing his ass off) and barking away as the owner is telling him to shut up. (Could still call Animal Control on the douchebag, your dogs obviously shivering bring him the fuck inside!).  We continue to mosey on, the road clears up, my back is killing me, Bella’s done her business a few times and now it’s just time to come home.  Then out of no where there’s another fucking line of cars coming through the complex, one of them had to have been 40 or so miles an hour with the way he was bottoming out on all of the speed bumps.  It’s never good if one can see sparks coming from the back of your car, and even though Bella is as day-glow as she could possibly get with her bright pink neon jacket and her white fur – she still was almost run over by this fucker cause he was going too damn fast to realize there was even someone walking UNDER THE STREETLIGHT.  Cocksucker.

We get back to the house, I realize that I started making bread last night and never jumped back on it today.  I picked up a recipe for the Bertucci’s restaurant Bread Rolls (my favorite rolls in the world).  The starter was to be made last night, and 12 or so hours later is when the bread itself is to be made. So of course I let it sit for about 14 hours, and now I’m waiting on the first rising process to be completed.  It’s going to be another 10 or so hours before I can actually bake the damn bread, but that’s OK I guess – by the time I’m actually hungry for it – it’ll be dinner time on Saturday anyway.

So now I’m sitting here trying to not work on a template for as long as possible, I really would rather not even code this thing but money is money.  I just want to do some laundry and get some sleep but we all know how well plans go through when you’ve really got your mind set on something NOT work related.

Go the fuck away damn it!

Tuesday, November 13th, 2012

So Sean and I did some shifting around.  It was hard for me to sleep at night with him typing away right next to my side of the bed, and since it’s been proven to us that we’ll be here for the long haul, we decided it was time to switch things around. Now, originally I was across the hall in the spare room so that Sean and I could have separate office spaces and I wasn’t smack-dab in the middle of the living room. I know Karen wasn’t overly thrilled with my leaving the living room ’cause she likes having the company out there – but I found myself being more distracted by the TV than I should be and that puts a damper on making as much money as humanly possible to shut Sean up about how “We’re Broke” when we aren’t.

Originally, my moving to the other room worked out fine – but I’m not getting a decent nights sleep to save my self from a nervous breakdown and it was time to switch things up.  So yesterday I put work aside (it was Sunday afterall) and after Sean got the shelves up in my office (cause he’s incapable of doing anything without fricken shelves above him for some reason), the switch began.  His desk/computers/crap went into the other room, and I reorganized the bedroom. Shifting the bed around to the other wall showed how much room we actually HAVE in here and then sticking my desk in the far corner (by the window – YAY WINDOW SEATS!) showed that there’s still quite a bit of room left to move around.  I had the bed centered on the wall so that it was easier to get in and out of bed on his side, and easier for me to actually MAKE the bed.  When it comes to having a king-sized bed pushed up to wall, it also comes with the inability to properly fit a sheet down on the side without having to leap across to that side. #1, my back hurts too damn much to do that #2, my fat ass is not going to leap over something that shouldn’t be that way anyway. Sean comes in the room and pushed the bed back to the wall cause he doesn’t like narrow areas. Yea, ok the area by the door was a little narrow but I’m not done rearranging the room.  The TV stand and bookcase are going to be switched.  The bookcase is half the thickness of the TV stand, and by the time you even realize there’s a TV stand in the way there’s loads of clearance at the foot of the bed so the problems solved.

You would think that I’d feel a little more “zen” about this whole experience because my coming in here was supposed to be more peaceful but I still can’t escape anything.  The dogs been driving me crazy today because she, for some unknown reason, needed to be taken on super long walks like 4 times today, which is not normal for her. She’s not even sick, she’s just in the mood to run. I understand that she’s cooped up in the house all day, don’t get me wrong, but when you’ve got a pain in the ass hovering over you to make sure that you’re actually putting in X amount of hours a day – and someone who questions why (at this point in the day) you didn’t get as much done as you should have – I just want to start flinging dog poop at people.

I’m just in a mood, and it’s the “I’m gonna start swingin” kind of mood, to the point I’m hoping someone starts some kind of shit with me just so I can knock them the fuck out.

I really, REALLY need to invest in a fucking punching bag.

Safe and Sound…

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

Hurricane Sandy came ripping up the Eastern Seaboard this past weekend.  Numerous homes from New York down to South Carolina were completely destroyed because of the high winds and even higher Water.  Three storm cells merged on a full moon in the Atlantic Ocean and the rest is pretty much going down in history as one of the more devastating storms in the past 100 years.  I find that outlook amusing, we so quickly forget how bad those along the Gulf got it during Katrina.  It’s the fact that it happened in the North East that’s causing it to be such a media sensation.

From where I was – this wasn’t much of anything.  We got very lucky here in Rehoboth.  Yes, there’s quite a bit of property damage throughout the entire town but the complex that Sean and I live in, the only clean-up we’re doing is the leaves that were blown off the trees with a few small twigs. Things were much different on the South Bound side of Route-1 though.  Dewey Beach down to Ocean City was pretty much one big flood zone (Note Dewey is only 1 mile south of me).  If you know this area of Delaware, you’d know that once you start going South after Rehoboth the road goes from “Damn, look at all of these stores!” to “Wow! Take a look at those two huge bodies of water that we’re driving through on this thin four lane road!”.  It’s not so awesome when that Bay and the Atlantic Ocean decide it’s time to merge and the only thing stopping it is a tiny road in the middle.  The levels rose, and the rest is history.  There was no roads in or out of this area of Delmarva and it left a pretty devastating aftermath to the numerous homes and businesses along the route whom are now pumping 4 feet of water out of their storefronts and basements.

We had no property damage here, not even a shingle taken off the roof. I almost feel guilty when I see the pictures of all of the devastation up in Long Island where my entire family is.  My father said that there’s trees down everywhere, excessive flooding and power outages pretty much across the board.  I told him, during our call, that I’m sitting here surfing the Internet because there’s been absolutely no issues down here other than the usual flooding that would occur with any substantial rain – or even a damn drizzle – in this area.  He was then amused when I told him about the only drain in the entire complex.

Bella, like any unusual dog, decided that she would prefer to be outside in the wind and the rain instead of hanging out in the window (as she would prefer on nice warm sunny days).  So I bundled us both up and took her for a walk around the complex so she could do her business. After a few hundred feet into our walk  I noticed that I wasn’t just chugging along anymore and was actually starting to walk through – what I thought – was a fairly decent sized puddle.  I didn’t think about it because I had my boots on, but as I turned to begin pulling us both towards the right side (away from said puddle) I then noticed that my dog – who hates water and has never swam a day in her life – is now doggy paddling towards the big hole in the ground.  If she wasn’t on her leash she would have been somewhere floating in the Delaware sewer system right now.  I pulled her to the street, she shook off and looked at me like “What the hell Mommy, why didn’t you warn me!”  Needless to say, she got a nice warm bath when we got home and then sat in a blanket the rest of the night to warm up (this was Sunday – before the storm by the way).

The eye approaching us on Monday actually caused the rain to stop and the winds to pick up, we then had round two outside with the dog but I went in the other direction as far away from the drain as humanly possible.  Of course this meant that every time she plopped her little butt down to squat she wound up getting blown over mid-piss but while she was frustrated I couldn’t help but laugh being as she was barking at the door to go out – making it completely her choice to deal with it! She needed a second bath to rid her of the effects of that one.

The “worst of the worse” was supposed to happen between 7pm and 12am on Monday.  Yes, it got pretty windy here but after doing a drive around town today and comparing it to what we saw on Monday when taking stroll around the complex – we got close to nothing as damaging as predicted.

Numerous people did go to shelters, and there was A LOT of flooding along the shore. I’ll bet all those million dollar homes have quite a bit damage to them and at that point all I have to say is “Was the waterfront property even worth it?”, but that’s cause I’m middle class and wouldn’t ever spend the kind of money that millionaires spend if I had that unlimited-funds-debit-card myself.

The thing that pissed me off the worse, throughout all of this, is the POLITICS going on behind everything.  I’m not someone who usually discusses them, mainly because I don’t care, but could the Republicans seriously come up with ANYONE better than Romney?  To go on record and say “States can take care of themselves, don’t send FEMA”, or “Have everyone go to their second homes, they’re safer there” thinking that anyone who lives along the coastline is a multimillionaire, is the most fucking ignorant thing anyone could say.  A few other “supporters” of him have also gone on record claiming that because of Gay Marriage – mother nature aka GOD is fighting back.  Give me a damn break you biggott bitches.   Even Honey Boo Boo isn’t that damn ignorant – and have you SEEN that show!?

I’m so over this election, I’m about to vote for Ms. Piggy and call it a day.  She may be the epitome of Vanity but at least she’s consistant!

Woah!

Friday, June 10th, 2011

It’s been one hell of a week.

When I was finally home on Thursday after a very long weekend at my aunts house, Bella was picked up by her groomer and things have been – interesting – ever since. I’m not sure if something happened while she was with the groomer but to be blunt, the dogs been crapping liquid for the past 7 days.  We’ve finally gotten it to solidify but its taken a lot of different food ideas and quite a few days of bringing her out every 3 hours, and let me tell you that waking up at 5am when I no longer have to was kicking my ass.  Last night after giving her some pepto (who knew?) her and I were both able to sleep the entire night for the first time in almost a full week.  I think my body was confused because I wound up crashing until about 1pm this afternoon.  While she’s been very clingy today being as she’s still not 100% (and the storm to roll through scared her a bit), there’s still a dramatic change in her.  She’s eating more, drinking more, playing with her toys, and not scratching on peoples legs every 20 minutes to go outside.  It’s been peaceful.

On Monday I officially started back up with AGn Designs, spending a lot of time on numerous freelancing sites.  By Tuesday morning things were beginning to worry me being as I hadn’t heard from anyone.  Tuesday night was a whole different story, I wound up picking up three projects which is bringing in a decent chunk of change for what’s going to be three days of work in total.  I’m almost finished with one site, it’s the matter of loading it onto her server and tweaking the wordpress widgets so that everything flows right, and the others I’m waiting on a few responses from.  Either way things have been picking up, and so far everything is going beautifully.

I had to spend some time tweaking my template on krissys-portfolio.net because the Lightbox script I was previously using was very obviously out dated so I needed to upgrade to Lightbox 2.  That solved the issues I was having with the images, the bigger issue right now is how horrible the template looks.  However, that’s going to be a long drawn out process to change. I want to some-how merge krissys-portfolio and acidgloss.net.  I was thinking of coming up with an over-the-top template that would work on both sites to just flow everything together. I have the idea in my head, and some doodles in photoshop but nothing has really stuck yet.  I don’t just want AGn to be a blog, I want to bump it up but I don’t want to lose k-p.net… either way I’m sure I’ll have something figured out within the next couple of days being as the creative juices are flowing.

I have to say, and don’t want to admit it, but Sean really kicked my ass this week with a revision to one of the sites he’s been working on.  Whatever script the idiots from India came up with was NOT working when trying to recode the site for the WordPress template.  There were like 7 DOCTYPE tags, numerous HTML and BODY tags being called for absolutely no reason.  When running it through the validation check it was coming up with over 600 errors.  I just about shit my pants when I saw that!  I’ve never seen so many errors on such little output in my life, and that’s including a time years ago when I actually started to care about validation and recoded everything I had!

In any event, I have a few more emails to respond to and a bed that’s calling my name.  I missed staying up until 1am, but it’s kicking my ass – that’s for damn sure!

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Ok, so I’m 13 days late in wishing everyone a Happy New Year but that’s also based on the fact that I really don’t get to spend much time in front of the computer for personal things anymore. I just pulled my laptop out of the closet today because I had to take two days off from work and I decided to help out the girls considering my department gets pretty backed up during the day, it’s even worse when we’re down a person so I logged in and assigned some claims so everyone could at least get out of there close to on-time. Oddly enough it worked out pretty well. If we could only figure out a way to do it when all three of us our there it would be a pretty cool deal hah.

So yea, this year hasn’t really gone too well but I’ve pretty much been under the weather since it started so of course I can’t say that there’s anything interesting going on. I’m waiting very patiently for my paycheck on Friday so I can punch all of the numbers into the FAFSA website and hopefully get a decent amount of coverage so I can get myself back into school. The University of Phoenix is pretty expensive so I really have to figure out how to get myself fully covered so I can complete a Bachelors degree. If I really wanted to stretch a penny I’d figure out a way to get my Masters but for now the Bachelors will suffice. I know I’ve been talking about going back to school for a very long time but I’m finally able to do it without having to worry about being under my fathers income. Essentially.. waiting until you’re 25 is a good thing when it comes to trying to get as much help as you can. It also mentally prepaired me to learn how to buckle down and get myself organized.

I’m working some pretty long hours lately, it’s not working out too well for me (mental health wise) but at least the overtime is paying the bills. It sucks that I’m averaging over 20 hours of overtime each paycheck but I’m also working six days a week and typically doing 10-11 hour days from Mon-Fri, that’s more than enough to say “I no longer have a social life”. Granted, my social life kind of died off when Lucy passed away last year but I’ve been making up for it by surrounding myself with people who are actually worth an ounce of my time and writing off the ones who aren’t. It may sound cruel but it’s just the way life goes. I know what I need and what I don’t need and having enough strength within myself to cut any ties with the people who just weren’t really worth it to begin with is more than enough of a reason for me to do what I need to do to get by. I’m lucky enough to be graced with the good people instead of the bad and that certainly works for me!

Sean and I are doing OK – yes, we’re still together. We had a bit of a rocky-point last year but I want to assume that everyone was smacked in the face with their mistakes. In July it’ll be four years, and while I know that’s still six months away, it’s still a shock that I’ve been able to stay with the same person for as long as I have. With him it’s really not an issue though. We get along, we’re living in a semi-tight bedroom but we manage to make due. Financial matters have kept us from getting a bigger place but for the time being we’re content with what we have. It gets a little stuffy when you throw Bella into the mix (who’s also doing very well now that the Tumor has been removed from her stomach) but we make due and that’s all that matters.

I’ve been home for the past two days and the only thing I’ve managed to accomplish is the laundry. I know I’m sick and should really just be resting but I hate just laying down and doing nothing, I need to do SOMETHING productive or I wind up going crazy. It was my ultimate goal to just clean up the bedroom today and that just didn’t happen. Maybe when I’m done here I’ll just get up for the sake of organizing a few things to make me feel better about the mess in here. I desperately need to organize my closet, it’s a terrible mess right now. Instead of hanging things up I tend to just fold them and stack them. I’ve had to keep shifting the stack around so I can get to the clothes that I’m wearing that day. It’s been pretty annoying.

As far as “resolutions” are concerned, it’s my ultimate goal to get myself back into school and finish what I’ve started. It’s also my goal within the next six months to come up with enough money for the down payment on the 2010 Chevrolet Equinox because that has been my final choice in a new car and the one I know I’ll stick with. I bounced around for a little while but after reading the reviews, doing the research and really just learning everything I can about the Equinox, the 2010 is the most well designed and fuel efficient model that they have. The older models had a lot of design flaws, one of which I saw as a safety issue and the gas mileage just wasn’t worth the price tag. Everything that’s offered with them now is everything I could ever need and I know that I’ll have it for at least 10-15 years so it’ll certainly hold up well for me.

So yea, School, Car, find a better job that pays at least double what I’m making and it’ll wind up being a good year for me. I just need to keep myself on track.

:: crosses fingers ::

Rollin’ along…

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

It’s only Wednesday and I’m itching for it to be Friday.  I can’t wait until my paycheck comes in so I can get some bills paid and enjoy a little bit of self-pampering.  I’m going to pick out a new uber-cool nail polish and head down to the salon to get my eyebrows done, I’ve let them go for three weeks and even though I’ve been maintaining them myself I’d really like to get them touched up.  I’m also going to dye my hair because the gray roots are getting way too freaking long and it’s about time I do something about that.

I’ve already noted on acidgloss.net that I’d like to start doing a little more with my sites and I know I’ve been saying it here for a while but with the way things are going lately I think I’d be able to properly budget my time for a little while so I can actually get something done.  Lately I’ve been putting in a lot of overtime at work and being as it’s approved for my department it’s not such a major deal anymore.  I’m now doing the Saturday afternoon shift completely by myself. Originally I was alternating with another co-worker but she doesn’t really like coming in on the weekends and noted that she’s not hurting for money as badly as I am right now.  Sean is bringing in really good money with a few clients he’s working with but I’m pretty much stuck within the same price-range every two weeks.  It’s paying the bills, and that’s all that matters right now.

Over the course of the next few months we’re really going to be skimping and saving just about everywhere we can.  We both have agreed that it’s time to move on with our lives and we need to get ourselves into a larger apartment and I really need to have my own car. I set my car budget around $12,000 and that’ll be more than enough to get me a 2007 or 2008 Chevy Cobalt that includes everything that I need in a car at this point in my life… power windows and decent gas mileage to get to and from work.  I’m going with a sedan as it will give me a little less to worry about on my car insurance and I’ll have an alarm system to give me even more of a break.  There’s also a defensive driving course that I could take to drop things down as well.  I’ll take as many deductions as I can at this point of my life.  I’m hoping to put about $5,000 to $6,000 aside for a down payment so I’m not stuck with a loan for an extended period of time.  It would help me out in the long run considering I’m still paying back my personal loan and all of the credit cards that I’ve managed to max out over the last year.

I’ve been at my current job for over a year and if you didn’t notice it’s put a major damper on just about everything INTERNET related for me.  I hardly check my email, and really had no interest in blogging for a very long time.  I was dealing with getting used to a 10-7 and that took up just about all of my energy.  Now that I’m in a fixed routine with all of that I’m learning to deal with everything else going on in my life.

My best friend passed away in February and that’s really been kicking my ass for the past few months because it was the last thing I’d ever expect.  Sean and I were rocky for a little while but now we’re back on course.  Bella went through surgery to have the tumor removed from her stomach and a few other things have sprung up over the rest of the year that have had my attention – mainly health related issues with both family members and myself.  It’ll all work itself out in the end so I’m not going to get that far into detail about it.

In any event… it’s after 10pm which means it’s past my bed time.  I don’t ever actually fall asleep until after 11:30 anyway… but I do try to be in bed so I can get some decent amount of sleep.  I’m working on about 5-6 hours a night and I’d really like to sleep for a full 8 hours once in a while.  There’s always the weekends I guess… that’s typically when I make up the time.  I make up for it more on Sunday than I do on Saturday considering I have to work but either way things are getting done and that’s all that matters.

So yea… I’m still working at the same job… I’m still dealing with my own gripes and issues with life.  I’m also hoping to get some time to myself so I can actually start doing something with the sites that I own… it’d be great.

NO! I’M NOT OK!

Monday, March 30th, 2009

I know that I’ve noted in previous entries that it was my goal to post more often.  Unfortunately the series of events that have happened over the past month have given me the lack of a drive to do so.  So while I appreciate an email every now and again asking how things are going, my honest response really is that I’M NOT DOING OK!  Anytime someone asked me something in the past I noted that I was fine…and even though I have never been fine….that’s just not the truth anymore.

I’m still taking Lucy’s death very, very hard.  It’s a lot different than Joe’s passing, but hurtful just the same.  With Joe, I knew he was going to die I just never believed it for my own selfishness.  He was sick for a very long time and it was only a matter of time before it caught up with him.

With Lucy, however, she wasn’t sick at all.  She was a very healthy person, she ate like a fat girl and was stuck in a skinny body but health wise, a random cold like any normal adult would be the only thing to get to her.  So being as she was in such a horrible car accident, the shock of waking up every morning without her being around is really beginning to take its toll on me.  I haven’t yet had my break down, I’ve been very weepy and depressed, but no breakdown in sight.  Typically they happen at the worst possible time and I honestly thought that the drive out to Deer Park was going to be worse for my weepyness but that ended in a few minutes, mainly once we got off of the 107-S.  I cried for a few minutes, a song triggered an old memory of when things were so much easier.  Unfortunately that’s just about all it did…it just triggered memories that I’ve been constantly replaying in my head but have been unable to show any strong emotions with it.  So yea, that’s where I stand with that.  It’s painful, and I just can’t seem to cry enough to the point that I just feel guilty.  I don’t know if my emotions have completely been shut off or what, but you’d think that with EVERYTHING going on right now I’d be able to be more than a zombie.

To add insult to injury – The growth on Bella’s stomach has been removed.  The biopsy results confirm that it was cancer, and now I need to bring her to a specialist to continue treatment.  I’m already putting in 40+ hours a week at work, and this just means that I’m going to have to step up on my design work so I can bring in some more money for the months ahead.  It really sucks that when things just start to get well and Sean and I get ahead on bills that some major thing just blows up in our faces.  He and I have also been having some trouble lately, but we know what’s wrong and we know what needed to be taken out of the situation and now we’re working on it.  I’m still completely and whole-heartedly pissed about it but everyone knows where they stand now.

So essentially, my reason for not having a complete emotional breakdown is due to the fact that I haven’t yet been able to deal with any single thing lately, there’s multiple things on my plate right now and I don’t really know which one to start with.  There’s a lot of changes at work, there’s changes in my love life, there’s changes in my family, and there are people missing who deserve to be here.  I still don’t understand why useless fat assholes are walking the earth refusing to do a damn thing with their lives and the “gods” take someone that was on a set path for greatness.  It confuses the shit out of me and just makes me bitter towards humanity in general.  Everyone wants something for nothing, no one wants to get off their asses and put in an honest days work because there’s always the “easy route”, but people like Lucy who were working and going to school to succeed in life – are just taken away from it.

Pat and I have spoken a bit over the course of the last month and he blew me away the first night at Lucy’s tree (it’s really done up, if you’re on 107-N going into Glen Cove you’ll know EXACTLY where it is), and he went on to tell me how even though he hasn’t physically been around for a while because of his bands schedule and what-not, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t working really hard to give Lucy the life and friendship she deserved.  He wanted her there when the band hits it big because she’s entitled to have friends that take her all over the place and where she gets the perks of celebrity, and everything else they’re working on.  And it really is true…she deserved so much better than she ever go.  All I could do is love and care for her, which is what friends do.  The perks of our friendship was she ate very well and if there was more than a 10 minute period of her not laughing and smiling when she was with me, that just means I had to push that much harder.

She deserved the ultimate happiness in life, not to die.  It’s as simple as that.